A Long Night of Spanking

It was late and after six spankings over the course of the evening, I was finally over my wife's knees and getting a blistering from the brush. It was the first time all night that I could actually grind on my wife's lap or on anything for that matter. The brush was excruciating on my already sore buttocks. If I could, I was supposed to make my little cummy on the towel draped protectively over her lap. I wanted so much to cum just minutes before that it surprised me that I had stopped humping her thighs; I was just trying to absorb the stinging pain raining down on my upturned bottom. 

The slow-down safe word was on the tip of my tongue. I knew I would regret it if I used it. Rather than the word, the closest thing to actual sobs escaped my lips for the first time during a spanking as an adult. It was a response to the pain as well as the frustration. It had been days since my last ejaculation which isn't too long except that the days were full of anticipation waiting for this moment. It had been days of being distracted at work and embarrassingly erect uncomfortably in my pants, in the public shower at the gym, and every time I went to the men's room. I had been choosing baggy pants, underwear that allowed me to be comfortably and discretely erect, and untucked shirts that would hide my arousal and possible pre-cum stains.

The night before, I tried out spanking positions in the house for over an hour. While I posed, I wanted to feel like I was being punished a little. I knew through previous experience that I wouldn't be able to self-spank myself so I tried self-figging. I thought that the sensation would be like a little pre-punishment and would put me in the head-space of where I wanted to be.

It was embarrassing buying ginger at the store the night before. I mean, I've bought ginger many times but this time I was looking for a big thick piece that would produce maximum discomfort up my bottom hole. I crave embarrassment so my erection strained against my jeans as I shopped in the produce section.

Through my arousal, every person in the store had a kinky backstory. Every bottom was a spanking target. Every couple was involved in a lifestyle. Every child played spanking games with their friends and siblings. Older women were on the hunt for young men to discipline. Every strong arm spanked naked little bottoms hard. I found myself browsing the kitchen utensils looking for heavy wooden spoons. Near the bath soaps, I inspected the bath brushes for something sturdy.

At home, I was alone and had lots of chores to do. I wanted to get naked, stick the ginger up my bottom and bend over every piece of furniture and think about whether I could be spanked effectively in that position and place. I waited as long as possible and then peeled the ginger and tried to carve it like a butt-plug.

Finally naked, I worked the ginger into my bottom and was initially disappointed by the sting. It was uncomfortable but it didn't sting or burn. I got my camera out and experimented on the bed with and without pillows. In my second position (lying flat on the bed), I was laying with my legs together and realized a sting was starting. I was having trouble keeping the ginger in place though. Staying relaxed was tricky and the more it stung, the more I wanted to bear-down but when I did, the ginger would get pushed out.

Out in the living room, I knelt at the ottoman and bent over (with my towel in place in case of accidents). I realized that I could easily have a ejaculation accident in that position and decided to try something that I have seen in pictures of men being spanked: I tucked my penis between my legs so that the not-so-sensitive top rested against the side of the ottoman. Then I spread my legs and snapped some pictures. I was very exposed and my little bottom hole was really stinging by now.

But I just couldn't keep it in. I was compelled to tighten up and it kept slipping out. I finally gave up on the ginger and threw it away but the juices were still there and irritated me long after it was out.

I thought that the ottoman was too low, but found that bent over a tall stool was good if I added a pillow. I also found a position kneeling on the stool (with the pillow again) and leaning forward over the kitchen counter was very exposing. Bent over the arm or back of a couple chairs was also promising. I associated different paddles with different positions and took notes on order of paddles and positions. As the sting faded in my bottom hole, I started to wish I hadn't given up on the ginger. 

The whole activity reminded me of when I first started being fascinated with spanking back in middle school. Seeing myself bending over in the bathroom mirror. Self-spanking myself until my bottom was pink and then inspecting the results. Sneaking around the house (and even the yard) naked. Planning and planning for spankings that only rarely happened.

This time, all the planning resulted in spankings starting the next day a little while after I got home from work. I explained to her that I wanted a bunch of small spankings; that I wanted my bottom to hurt continuously for hours, to be denied orgasm until just before bed, and that I wanted to have to keep asking for little spankings. She didn't seem to hate the plan. Maybe I am overly hopeful that she is starting to like spanking nights but she actually seemed to like the plan.

The first spanking was with the stingy lexan paddle before she started getting ready to go out to dinner. It was just a warmup with me bent over the back of a straight back chair. She started hard and I didn't last long before saying I had had enough. I went over the chair basically flaccid but stood up with a three-quarter erection which surprised both of us. I was happy but embarrassed that my penis became erect during a spanking. I am not easily embarrassed in front of my wife. Still, I was being spanked and that made me hard. What if I had been spanked by mom or dad as a teenager? What if she spanked me in front of our friends?

My bottom stung pretty bad but 10 minutes later, it had faded to just a little tingle. I wanted a sting that would last all through dinner.

I puttered around the house and tried to find some underwear to wear that would make me feel sexy or at least self-concious of my penis during dinner. I was mostly erect and the first pair really didn't work in that state. The second pair was tiny but stretchy enough for me to have an erection without binding. I decided that I should get another spanking just before we walked out the door so I stayed in just my little panties.

The second spanking was just before we walked out the door and it was much like the first one: short, fast, and hard with the lexan paddle. Abruptly after she stopped spanking, I was dressed and out in the car still recovering from what had just happened.

Dinner was good but we were barely out of the parking lot on the way home when I realized that another spanking was probably going to happen seconds after walked in the door. I squirmed in my seat and said that I was nervous about the spanking when we got home.

The next spanking was over the arm of a chair with lexan paddle again. The fire was reignited. After this, I put on one of my 'waiting' outfits. It is a one-piece pajama thing that that will allow me to be comfortably erect and either exposed or covered. It looks ridiculous which in some ways is perfect. I like the embarrassment of wearing clothes that are specific for spanking times.

Fifteen minutes later, I was naked on the bed with pillows under my hips and with my penis tucked back between my legs so that I couldn't hump the pillows. Again, I was worried about having an accident. She used the leather slapper which isn't very severe but that was the fourth spanking of the night with a stingy instrument and it was strangely difficult to handle.

Maybe twenty minutes later, I was getting the paddle while bent over the stool. It really hurt bad. I had my penis tucked back again. At some point she spanked a little low and I was surprised by how it felt on my testicles and even my penis. It was strangely arousing. Actually, if it didn't hurt so bad getting spanked on the upper thighs, I think it might have been felt good enough for me to actually cum. But oh did it sting.

That spanking went long past when I hoped it would end. I was putting on my spanking suit on wobbly legs but with a raging erection. The spankings were starting with me at half mast but ended significantly more erect.

There was a little delay after that spanking and before the next one. I was busy doing a chore that was repetitive and a little mindless. As I wrapped it up, I realized that the next spanking would happen as soon as I was done. My bottom still stung from the last one and I was becoming nervous, fearful, and, of course, aroused. My erection filled out the pouch of my spanking-waiting outfit as I shifted from foot to foot nervously.

Throughout the night, when my penis was softer, it would feel full. I wasn't touching my penis at all; this was spanking time and not time for pleasuring myself. I think it was full of pre-cum produced by the spankings. As I softened between spankings, I would feel full and then when I got hard again, the pre-cum would leak out a little onto my spanking towel, legs, or underwear. It was a good feeling and made me really want to cum so bad.

I thought it would be interesting to get a spanking with the wooden spoon so that she could spank all the sensitive difficult to reach places. I knelt on the stool and bent over a tall counter. She did a great job of lighting a fire up and down my crack and even inside. Something happened during this spanking:I started to like it. I wanted it to hurt and I pushed out my bottom so that I was even more exposed. When she stopped, I wanted to ask for more but I was too embarrassed.

It was getting late. I had more positions and paddles, but I knew we wouldn't get to them. I thought about laying flat on the bed with my wife straddling my back facing my feet and using our most fearsome paddle. She was tired, I was tired, and my penis was demanding relief.

I wanted more but decided we needed to be done. For the last spanking, I was over her knee and she started with the lexan paddle. My penis was again tucked back so that I couldn't hump but I did a little shortly after she started. The sting of that little paddle is intense especially after so much. Rubbing the less sensitive part of my penis against my spanking towel was arousing but also frustrating.

After a couple minutes, I asked for the brush and shifted so that I could hump her lap properly. After a whole night of craving exactly this, it at first was magnificent. Then she began the brushing and it was all I could do to concentrate on the good feelings.

It was the longest brush spanking I think I've ever had. I was making sounds that sounded a little like I was crying. I was surprised to hear them; it was a foreign sound to me. Eventually I came and it was good and long. She stopped just as my orgasm waned which I don't usually like. Usually I like her to ruin my orgasm--the end of it at least--by really blistering my bottom after I squirt. But I was exhausted and I went limp over her lap. My bottom was on fire and the thought of another crack of wood on red hot bottom sounded unbearable. I couldn't get up for what felt like minutes and when I clumsily did, I was happy to see that I had indeed squirted a big mess on my towel. Globs of my semen were stuck on my stomach.

It was a great night of spanking. I have had harder spankings but I have never felt the sting and the burn for so long. After each spanking, I went from relief that it was over to dread of the next spanking. The emotional impact of that was very satisfying.

Each spanking prepared my penis for when it would finally be able to ejaculate. Each spanking aroused me, tickled my prostate, produced seminal fluid, and made me a little frustrated. All the tasks I did between the spankings were acts of submission and love. Wearing my special spanking pajamas was a constant reminder that I was being spanked.

It was a great night for me. I don't think my vanilla wife minded it too much until it started getting late. Of course, with each spanking, I fell more in love with her again. She must truly love me too to take time to spank my naughty bottom. She wouldn't do that if she didn't love me, right?

Spanked for My Erection: An Inappropriate Fantasy

"You know why we are having this talk today, right?" she asks as I stand naked and erect in front of her. I just nod. "Tell me why," she prods.

"My pee-pee's hard," I whine like the little boy that I am.

"Is that OK?" she asks.

"No," I say looking down at my erection, "but I like it when it is hard."

"I know, dear, but we can't have you walking around all the time with an erection, can we?" she asks in her most motherly tone.

"I guess not," I answer dejectedly. I am standing naked and aroused in front of a woman that doesn't consider me a potential sexual partner. I am 'child' and she is adult. She needs a man to satisfy her; not some little boy that can't even control his silly erections. She takes on the role of the mommy of her naughty little boy.

"That is why you have to get a spanking today," mommy explains.

"No, I don't want a spanking!" I interrupt. "Can't I just play with it so that the stuff comes out? Then I won't be hard anymore. I promise!" I don't want to talk about sexy things with mommy but that is better than a spanking.

Patiently and like a good mother she responds, "I know that, baby, but you have to learn to control your erections and that is why you need a spanking."

"No, please...," I whine already almost crying. My erection pulses in the air demanding someone pay attention to it. "Can't I just go into the potty and..."

"No, you are going to get your spanking right now." she interrupts definitively.

"But I might squirt during the spanking," and then almost in a whisper, "I don't like making during my spankings."

"Why not?" she asks clearly enjoying my embarrassment.

I shift a little and look down all the way to the center of the earth, "it doesn't feel good; it just hurts," I say softly.

"Well, that is too bad. If you could control yourself, I wouldn't have to spank your little cummy out and you could just play with yourself in the potty and have your little fun."

"No, I don't like ouchies," I say sort of to myself but unfortunately out loud. I sound like a little boy and I look like one too. I'm mostly hairless except for my head and just the hint of pubic hair above my little erection. I don't have a big penis like the kind that women want but it doesn't know that. It gets all hard and proud like it is more impressive than it actually is. Clear drops of pre-cum keep forming at the tip making it all slippery so that it will be able to penetrate even the tightest of vaginas but they just go to waste.

Sometimes the girls will play with my little penis and make it squirt but they only use their hands and then they giggle and laugh when it starts jerking and pumping. It can squirt pretty good for such a little guy. The girls think it is funny because it is small like a little boy's penis but squirts like it thinks it is a man's.

She just laughs. "Well, that is too bad indeed," she says reaching for the hair brush.

"Oh no, not the hair brush! Please, it is too ouchie. Can't you just spank me with your hand? I promise I'll be good," I beg but absentmindedly touch my penis and give it a little pull. I shiver under the sensation. 

She clearly notices me playing with myself and gives a tsk-tsk sound while shaking her head. "Now, I won't be having you ejaculating without your bottom bright red. Let's have some spanking first and if you are good, then you can have your fun. OK, over you go."

I go to her right side and climb over her lap. Her legs feel warm and soft against my hard erection. I rock back and forth grinding myself against her. In this position, my penis is as close to her vagina as it will ever get. Not like my penis would be any good inside her. I'm sure it would sink into her soft warm wetness and immediately start squirting. I wouldn't have any control and nature--knowing how lucky it was that I was mating at all--would take advantage of the moment and expel my seed in a vain attempt to procreate. I can imagine the disappointment of my lover as I lose control, her justifiable anger, and the sudden change I would feel from powerful conquering man to shameful naughty disappointing little boy.

Just as I start to lose myself in the good feelings (in spite of the narrative in my head), the sound of wood striking taut skin loudly catches my attention followed quickly by a sharp sting. I immediately stop rutting against her legs; I don't want to make her angrier. It probably wouldn't matter though. She spanks me again and again. At first there is a little pause between spanks but she quickly picks up the pace.

No matter how recently or hard I was spanked last time, I am always surprised how much it hurts. It is like my brain can only remember that it hurt but not how bad it hurt. It stings and burns and just keeps getting worse and larger because she spanks all over my bottom. Some parts aren't too bad or at least I can tolerate it more when she spanks on the sides or at the top. When she spanks over my crack or where my bottom meets my legs, it stings so bad that I can't help but make noises like "ow", "ouch", and a long whining "ooo" sound.

My penis is almost forgotten but she makes me wiggle on her lap and sometimes it feels a little bit good for just a second. I am getting soft and the good sexy feelings are going away though I don't think my erection will entirely fade. The spanking will bring blood to the source of the trauma and everything in the general area will get in on the party.

She is spanking like clockwork. Though the spanks are beating out an almost perfect rhythm, she is applying the stings almost randomly. I can handle this pretty well. Nothing hurts too much though all of my bottom is on fire. I know this won't continue and just as I wonder when it will end, it does. She keeps the rhythm but only spanks my right sit spot. My noises become more pronounced. She changes to my left sit spot and I relax just for a second but then the fire starts on the left side and I become very vocal again. I've had enough. I really will be good from now on. The next spank is right on the crack above my bottom hole. If I was more bent over, she would be spanking right behind my scrotum but as it is she thankfully can't reach that. My thighs do get hit and I involuntarily start bucking on her lap. I can't see her but sense she likes that she is getting such a big reaction out of me.

I open up and her spanks strike between my cheeks but when I tense up, my thighs get it. Thankfully she moves back to my right sit spot, then left, and the center. It all just stings and I can't even tell where she is spanking anymore.

Stopping suddenly, "OK, get up," she commands. I struggle clumsily and stand on very wobbly legs and reach up to wipe the tears from my eyes. "No, don't do that. Just play with yourself. I want you to cum with tears in your eyes."

I lower my right hand to my soft but a little swollen penis and start mechanically masturbating. My little guy doesn't respond right away. I keep stroking my flaccid member all the while sniffling and feeling the remaining tears roll down my cheeks.

"Hurry up. If you want to make your little squirt, now is the time," she says impatiently. Of course, that doesn't really help but I do start to harden a little. I think it is instinct or mechanics like sitting on a bumpy bus.

"That's a little better," she said noticing my mediocre erection. "Make your little boy cum so we can finish your spanking."

I'm getting more spanking after I cum? For some reason, this makes me harder but I whine, "no, please."

"Ugh, you are such a little child. This isn't sexy time; this is spanking time. This is punishment time. Part of your punishment is having to masturbate in front of me. I want to see how you make your little pee-pee feel all tingly. The second you are all empty, I am going spank your bottom. I'm going to spank all the good feelings away and leave you with a soft little penis and blisters on your bottom. Now face this way," she commands moving me so that I am facing her lap on her right side.

"That's better. Now I can provide you with a little motivation to hurry up!" she says deviously patting my bottom with the hairbrush.

My erection has finally returned and I'm rubbing my little guy furiously. I can feel my testicles bouncing off my legs. She's right about being embarrassed; no one ever sees me do this to myself. "Where should I put it?" I ask nervously.

"Oh, just catch it in your hand. Such a little penis, there probably won't be too much. You can wash up after your spanking." she mocks. "Now, come on," followed by a spank, "no more stalling," followed by another spank. Both spanks make me cry out and jerk my hips forward. My rhythm gets a little messed up for a couple seconds after the fire is reignited on my behind.

She spanks me again and I realize that I will have to focus to make things happen. A couple days ago, I saw a picture of a woman having sex with a man. She was sort of small and had a completely hairless pussy but he was super hairy and had a pretty big dick. He was just putting it in her and the big angry looking dick just barely poking her small pale pink vagina was really scary. She had a look of fear mixed with excitement as she held herself open. He just looked hungry. I imagined him slowly pushing into her and the shocked look on her face as he did it. She would be so tight around him it would be like she was sucking out his cum with her vagina.

The sexy image in my mind helps as I try to ignore the spanks. Her voice to my left keeps up a steady litany of "hurry up" or "you can do it" or "come on, little boy" in between spanks that jiggle my cheeks.

It is feeling pretty good finally and I realize that my testicles aren't bouncing off my leg as much. I am pretty close and my knees get weak all of sudden. "That's it" she chides and picks up the pace. A just a couple spanks later, I am cumming with a moan. I remember to catch my boy milk with my left hand just at the last second. The warm sticky liquid fills my hand, "ooo, good boy, that's a big puddle of cum from such a little pee-pee. OK, squeeze it all out. Hurry up." I squeeze and pull hard to get the last little bit out just as my good orgasm feelings end.

"Good boy, over you go. Be careful with that handful of cum," she reminds me. It is tricky to do with one hand seconds after I just had an orgasm. My legs are wobbly even. I get down and realize that I have to hold my hand full of semen almost right in front of my face. Right hand flat on the floor, the back of my left hand resting on the floor, little puddle of semen carefully balanced in my palm, her left leg under my ribs, right leg under my hips, softening penis dangling in space between, wood resting on my bottom, and then gone.

"Oh God," I exclaim as she starts spanking. It feels harder and faster than before. It is at least faster--that is for sure--and it is everywhere. I am frozen in panic at how much it hurts. "Oh, no, ow, no, oh, oh, ow," and now I am just blubbering. It is strange to hear myself crying but I have no defenses left. Absentmindedly, I feel my penis bounce softly off her right leg. In spite of the tears in my eyes, I keep looking at the little puddle in my hand and blame it for everything.

Suddenly the room is quiet except for the sound of a little boy crying softly. "Oh, that's enough. Don't be such a baby. Get up, get up."

I struggle to get up not daring to risk spilling my precious little puddle. She moves me so that I am between her legs and then sits me down on her lap and gently rubs my back.

"We're all done. No more spanking, OK?" I nod in agreement. "Now, you can wash your hands, but no washing your face. I want our guests for dinner to see how you look after a spanking. And no clothes either. I want to be sure you learned your lesson and your penis stays nice and little. I'm sure our guests will want to see that red bottom of yours too. OK, off you go."

As I wash my hands, the sting in my bottom starts to tingle. Ever so slightly my penis jerks its approval and a tear of despair works its way down my cheek.

Stress Relief Spanking

Sometimes I get a spanking without a whole lot of fanfare and anticipation. A couple weeks ago, I got a short brush spanking over her knee about fifteen minutes after I asked for it. I didn't sleep well because I was stressed out. In the morning before work, I just asked if she could give me a spanking to calm me down.

It was a short spanking, probably no more than a couple minutes. I squirted into my cummy towel really quick and had to endure the rest without my erection protection (hey, that rhymes!). It worked in that I was calmed down but it was short and I knew it wouldn't last long.

The stress came back this week. Work and some other things were bothering me and I was getting that antsy feeling. I stop sleeping well, swear a bunch, act impulsively, and just start to hate myself.

There were a couple scheduling things to work out but my girl agreed to help me and we decided sooner than later would be good. I like to take her to dinner on spanking nights but this time I decided that I would cook for her. Still, things didn't go super smoothly and my plans for an amazing dessert didn't work out.

As usual, I was nervous and excited. I like it when I am sporting an erection for hours if not days before the spanking. Even better is when I leak pre-cum to the point where my underwear is obviously stained. I didn't have time for that sort of anticipation and obsession but I was hard whenever I was alone with my thoughts.

If we were in a more of domestic discipline relationship or more into role-playing, I probably would have cooked naked, in just an apron, or maybe in a pair of my "waiting" underwear. I have a couple pairs where there is extra space for an erect penis, the color shows pre-cum real well, or they sort of accentuate rather than cover my package. My favorite these days cover a lot but have a flap that can be unsnapped and taken off to expose my boy parts. They frame my erection making it more obvious that I am excitedly waiting for my spanking. If I was flaccid like I should be before a spanking, normal underwear would be work. We have to make special concessions for the bad boy who gets an erection thinking about his punishment. Why not add a little extra humiliation to his predicament by really drawing attention to my embarrassing inappropriate response?

Unfortunately, part of the dinner was prepared on the grill and being naked in the back yard is not an option. I kicked around slipping on and off a pair of shorts and then thought better of it. Instead, we were just a normal loving couple having dinner. The difference on this night was that I wouldn't let her do anything; I tried to serve her as best I could.

When I was done cleaning everything up, I collected my paddles and my cummy towel, and told her that I would be waiting in the den but that she should take her time. I laid out the paddles and got undressed, then sat on a chair and played with my erect penis while waiting for her.

Sometimes an orgasm is really close and all I can do is just lightly touch myself or rub the pre-cum around the head. This time, I was further away so I edged myself a couple of times. I had to rush the last time because I heard her walking through the house and I like to be really hard and pulsing if I can when she walks in the room.

I have to skip some details here or I might betray my anonymity by sharing too much but I will say that even though things couldn't go exactly as I had them planned, my wife is the best. We played the game where I am bent over a high table with my bottom pushed up and out presenting itself to be spanked. I have to stand on tip-toes to hold this position and I try to keep my legs spread too. The position is embarrassing as well as uncomfortable. I don't like that she can see my bottom hole and I know my scrotum is really obviously because sometimes she will tease it with the paddle.

She spanks me with a big oval paddle until I break position. Then she waits until I am back in position until she continues. If I don't get back into position quickly enough, she switches to the bathbrush and spanks me right over my bottom hole--right on the lower crack--until I get it right. Since the desired position is with my crack a little spread and bottom hole maybe even a little visible, I have fight against increasing pain as I open up in order to get back into position. The game allows me to top-from-the-bottom which seems to make her more comfortable with the whole thing.

It was the hardest spanking I think I've ever had. Right from the warm-up, it was intense. I wasn't able to handle more than two spanks before breaking position through most of it. Sometimes I like to pretend that I can't get back into position so that she will use the brush a couple times, but she only used the brush once and I didn't do it on purpose. I was real careful after that.

She gets freaked out if I appear to be in too much distress but it was very intense. I was having a hard time not making 'ouch' sounds so I took to biting my thumb which I have never done before. We had set a time limit for this game and near the end, I was breaking position after almost each spank. I think she was easing up because even though I was quiet, I think it was becoming obvious I was having a real hard time taking any more.

When we were done with that, I was totally flaccid. There was one bath brush spanking a while back where it was so intense that my erection failed me and I didn't ejaculate. In other words, there was only one other spanking that got even close to this intensity. I tried to look nonchalant but I wasn't selling it.

Again, I have to leave some details out at this point but we had to have a change of plans. I ended up over her lap (she was sitting in the middle of the couch) desperately humping her thighs trying to cum while she rained down stinging fire with the brush. It hurt so bad and the more it hurt the longer it was going to take. For a little while, I was worried it wouldn't happen at all. My erection slowly came back but even then, I felt like I was just going through the motions. I had a death grip on the cushions and I was feeling a little panic. At one point I spread my legs to try to get a little different feeling and more leverage. She attacked the newly exposed flesh and I had to bite down on my thumb again to keep from crying out.

Finally I felt my orgasm was in reach and I relaxed a little but when I did, it slipped away.  I almost started to cry and I am not sure how I feel about that. Part of me wishes I had cried. I had to work again to bring myself back to the edge and as much as I wanted to make it last, I didn't dare lose it again. I got it back and quickly went over the edge and squirted my mess into my towel before just collapsing on her legs in exhaustion. She kept spanking right through my climax which more of just a release, and I immediately softened. She didn't go much longer but I was resigned to whatever she was going to give me and I just quietly accepted my spanking. It was as close to complete submission as I've ever been. I think that if we had been in a role-playing scene or if there had been more of a psychological component involved, I would have been sobbing.

After she stopped, I couldn't move but I knew that she needed me to. I was exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally. I sat down facing her and couldn't believe how much my bottom hurt when I sat down. Considering that my orgasm was ruined almost to the point of just being an ejaculation, I was surprised what a puddle I made. I had to sleep with my bottom exposed all night; the sheets were uncomfortable. The next day, I was still swollen and sensitive.

But did it work? Absolutely! All the tension and stress was gone. In the minutes after it was over, I could feel my stress drift away and the good chemicals pour in. I was surprised that in addition to the usual spanking afterglow, I had an orgasmic afterglow as well even though my ejaculation had so little pleasurable orgasmic feelings at the time. 

My problems again were manageable and I was back in control. I love spanking. I love my wife. She is so good to me. I am the luckiest man alive.

Let us Start In the Middle

This is an exercise for me. An attempt to process what is in my head. I am not trying to quiet the voices nor am I trying give into them. I am trying to accept the voices, control them, and understand them.

I was always excited by spanking. Everything about it is exciting, dangerous, and sexual. It was so confusing to me growing up which created shame which itself was exciting because there was something shameful about being spanked.

I remember walking along the street in a small town in Minnesota. It was summer and the windows were open. I was maybe 13 or 14. As I crossed in front of a two story square red brick house with white trim, the sounds of a boy maybe my age but probably younger was pleading with a silent authority figure. The pleading ended with the sound of sharp slaps and almost immediate crying. It didn't last long, but I was almost frozen on the sidewalk, transfixed by the sound and frighteningly aroused.

Now, of course, I realize I was probably listening to something horrible, abusive and damaging. At the time, listening to a peer being punished just triggered my imagination and I saw it only in the best possible light. Ritualistic. Naked. Embarrassing. Painful. The triggers that haunt a lifetime as it turns out.

That wasn't my only childhood brush with spanking but this is a blog and so I will recount them in later posts.

Now I am married, male, middle aged, living in the USA, athletic, professional, a father, a Christian, and generally viewed as an alright person. People either love me or hate me because they totally don't get me or my sense of humor. My wife is vanilla but she loves me. She understands that I want and need to be spanked and I think she is a little relieved that I am not interested in spanking her. She doesn't like to hurt me (which is sweet, really) but does so because she loves me. Like most of us that are into spanking or kinkier things, my spanking is strictly a secret between my wife and I. It is challenging to write about this incredibly personal part of myself and keep the details vague to protect my anonymity. Then again, if you are reading this and you figure out who I am, that says some interesting about you as well, yes? Out me and I will out you. :)

We dabbled in spanking on and off throughout our long marriage. I tried spanking her but she hated it and I didn't really like it either. There were a couple good spankings she gave me long ago but I was too repressed to express my desires. Then a couple years ago, I tried again to express what I was looking for. This time it seems to have worked.

The pattern is that every month or two, I find myself obsessed with getting a spanking. I feel like I need it. For years, I would write fiction or masturbate to spanking pornography. Writing was good but masturbation failed. I tried self-spanking. It worked a couple times but failed more often than not.

This is getting long so I should probably just describe one of my spankings. I like getting spanked in the morning because I can't help but think about it all night. I hadn't masturbated in a couple days and we hadn't had sex either. I was (and always am) a little pent up. We arrange a time days in advance because of our crazy work schedules.

I was up early because I had really only been dozing all night. I was erect all night oozing pre-cum onto the sheets. I felt bad showering it off my legs and stomach. I felt like I should leave it to show her how naughty I had been all night. I made a note to wear underwear to bed next time so that I could put my slimed underwear back on after my shower so that she would see my naughty juice before the spanking.

I got cleaned up but had such a nervous stomach that I kept going back to the potty to try to poop. I think I did once before I showered and twice afterwards. I don't trust toilet paper to clean me up before a spanking so stepped into the shower again after each time to spray off so I would be super clean for her.

Once my stomach was finally calm, I put on my robe and puttered around the house trying to make everything clean while waiting for her to come home from work. I got out my spanking tools that I thought would be good (a lexan paddle, a heavy wooden spoon, a smaller bath brush, and a leather slapper) and my spanking cummy towel.

I've never called it my cummy towel to my wife but that is what it has always been in my head. I like the idea that my erection, orgasm, and ejaculation are all part of the adolescent part of me that I can't control. It is just my sexual naughty and shameful part that I couldn't control while I was a teenager. That is sort of understandable for a teenager but silly and immature for an adult. Spanking is a punishment for an immature person so my sexual response and parts are immature as well. I don't cum because adult men cum when they have sex with grown women. I am 'have a cummy' because it is like I am a little boy having an inappropriate sexual response.

Playing with the tools made me hard and uncomfortable under my robe. I opened it to let my shame (only bad boys get erections waiting for spankings) hang free. I had oozed pre-cum again and lint from my robe was stuck to the end of my erect penis. I like the clinical terms. People that have sex have cocks and dicks and hard-ons. I am not having sex; I am having a spanking and because of that I use the clinical terms like a doctor or professional would use. After all, I am waiting for someone to administer treatment like a ritual: "Spank the bottom until it is red, jiggling, and sore. The subject may ejaculate during the treatment. Do not stop until the proper response--crying, pleading, begging, and signs of true distress and remorse--are achieved".

I don't know why, but the blue-gray lint stuck to myself seemed wrong. Back into the shower I went and washed it off. I checked the clock and knew she would be home at any time. I thought about pajama bottoms or underwear but I was stuck in indecision. I put on a tight fitting workout shirt and went bottomless through the house.

She came home and I met her at the door. I wasn't completely erect but my scrotum was tight and I was clearly enlarged. I nervously explained why I was meeting my wife who was going to spank me at the door with no pants on and an erection. She said it would be nice if I would meet her at the door with an erection to make love to her as well. I apologized and promised I would.

I followed her around like a puppy as she put her stuff away eventually ending up in the bedroom where I thought I would get my punishment. It isn't really punishment, of course; I haven't done anything bad and we don't have a domestic discipline relationship at all. In my head, I am being spanked because I get sexually excited by being spanked. That is what is naughty. I shouldn't have an erection and I shouldn't want what was going to happen. But I did and that is bad. My spanking was supposed to 'correct' these feelings, make my penis get soft, make my bottom hurt, make me not want another spanking.

She sat down in the chair and put my cummy towel on her lap so that if I made a mess, it wouldn't get on her clothes. I took off my shirt so I was completely naked (she was completely clothed), knelt on the floor to her right and asked for a hard spanking. I said that I would try not to wiggle until it started to hurt too much but that if I wiggled, I would probably make a mess in the towel. I asked her to let me have my fun, but then use the bath brush hard and fast after I was done having my 'fun'.

I went over her lap finally and shivered as my now mostly erect penis finally touched the terry cloth of my special towel. She started spanking almost right away with the lexan paddle. We always use that first because it is light and stingy. It is good for the warm up as it brings blood to surface and seems to keep me from bruising. I sighed into the carpet. I was finally getting my spanking and it was just a matter of time before I would get to wiggle and make my cummy all over the towel.

I usually try to take as much as I can before wiggling. It isn't really wiggling; it is humping. She didn't go for long with that paddle before changing to the leather slapper. It hurts worse and covers both cheeks at the same time. I started thrusting forward after a couple spanks and though I tried not to, it felt so good that I kept doing it.

She used the spoon next and I spread my legs so that she could easily get my perineum, inside my crack, and right on my sit spots. Being spanked on such sensitive areas makes me twitch at each strike. I try to stay arched and open so that I take my spanking like a big boy, but after a little while, I can't and I convulse humping her lap.

She switched back to the lexan paddle (which surprised me) and I started humping her legs trying to distract myself from the sting. There is usually a moment when I realize that I will be able to have an orgasm; no matter how hard she spanks, I feel like I will be able to make it happen and I relax. That feeling of crossing the point of no return approached and I knew my ejaculation was going to happen. Of course, afterwards, then the real spanking was going to start. I love being caught between wanting and needing my release but dreading the fire that will ruin my orgasm afterwards.

I remember it came on quickly and I arched my back while I squirted my shame into the towel. She stopped spanking when she saw and heard the telltale signs of a man ejaculating. She can't feel or see the actually semen coming out, but she knows.

It was a good orgasm (they aren't always; sometimes it is just ejaculation without the good feelings). She paused as she changed to the dreaded brush. I whined as I felt the wood resting on my cheek before the first real spank of the day.

It doesn't last long. Never does. I almost always safe word (we use green-yellow-red) or raise my hand or just say "I've had enough". She doesn't like to role play so if I say something, I have to actually mean it. I made it about 30 seconds--probably less--before stopping her with "I think I've had enough" squeaking out from between my teeth. She stopped and I laid there feeling the warm wetness of my ejaculate under my stomach. I finally got up and we both checked out the puddle on the towel. I am always surprised that the most I cum is when I am being spanked.

That's it. I feel the rush of adrenaline and endorphins and the stress of my life wash away as my cortisol level drops. The sting remains but I only notice it when I sit for the rest of the day. It is warm too as my bottom heals itself. About an hour later as I couldn't help think about what happened, I get an erection again and wonder how long before I will need another spanking.

An Open Letter To Spanko Men Married to Vanilla Spouses

This began as a letter to whackedwell.tumblr.com but after a while took on a life of its own and became a general letter of advise to men that like to be spanked but who are in relationships with vanilla women. I hope it is of value to someone out there. :)


Dearest WhackedWell,

I too have struggled with the vanilla spouse situation but I have reached some level of success in getting what I need. It took a while but eventually I was able to explain things to her in a way that made enough sense that she was able to understand how important this was to me. I would strongly encourage you to not risk destroying your marriage looking for an outside solution.

First, I had to figure out what was going on in my own head. There was a pattern at play and I had to analyze when I most desired/needed to be spanked and when I didn't. Exercise reduced my desire (reduces my libido in general). When our sex life was hot and heavy, I was also not obsessed as much. Stress, however, was a trigger. If I was inactive, I would feel antsy like I needed to be spanked to calm down.

This directed me to think about the brain chemistry surrounding pleasure and pain. I've done a little research and I found the book "The Compass of Pleasure" to be very interesting. A couple things apparently are true for my chemistry (though as I am not a chemist, I've probably got most of the details wrong): 

1. the pain/pleasure boundary is fuzzy. I've always enjoyed very spicy food, endurance sports, and I have a high tolerance for pain.
2. the endorphin rush some experience from things like the runner's high is something that I am very sensitive to. Though the overload of the full on "runner's high" is about as rarely attained for me as it is for most people, I feel and crave the mini-doses that exercise produces.
3. in terms of dopamine, I feel the pleasure or satisfaction from overcoming a challenge. My life is relatively fear and challenge free. The fear associate with a spanking and the satisfaction of conquering that fear and of absorbing the pain of the spanking all release the good chemicals in mass quantities.
4. some studies have shown that after a successful BDSM scene, cortisol of both participants but particularly the sub is dramatically reduced. Corisol is basically a measure of stress: higher stress, higher corisol. Thus, as a stress reliever, a good and successful scene can't be beat.

My understanding of all of this is amateur at best but the upshot is that a good spanking is like hitting the reset button for me. I become angry, feisty, grumpy, short, distant, and generally non-functional before my spanking. Afterward, I am calm, attentive, relaxed, and I even feel smarter and more on task. The chemical rush about five minutes after the last spank lands is especially intense. Some people say that there is a crash after this but I have never felt that.

In addition, I have had some depression issues over the past five or so years. The occasional spanking's effect of hitting the reset button has also been very helpful. Afterwards, not only am I not depressed but I am also deeply in love with and connected with my wife. This might be because oxytocin is released as part of my sexual experience during spanking but I don't think that is the only cause.

Next, in the Freudian sense, I have eroticized something from my past. There were spanking situations from my youth but I think there is more to it than that. There were shame situations as well as experiences of fear of being found being bad.

What I think happened to me is that I was deathly afraid of 'the worst thing'. To deal with that, I created fantasy scenarios where the worst thing happened. Like dreams, I lived my fears in my imagination. During adolescence, those fantasies became sexual and basically stuck. Through sexual fantasy and, of course, lots of masturbation, I was able to play out the scenarios and find a sexual release. The fear enhanced the excitement but the story or theme of spanking gave me a context to confront my deepest fears, needs, desires, et cetera.

That probably doesn't explain very much. The point is that my fetish or kink is about as strange as a man wanting a woman with big boobs or a woman desiring a husband that is calm and in control.

There is a book called "Your Brain on Sex" or something like that which was very helpful to me though I think the psychology of the book is a little stale.

Also, there is podcast by "Sex Nerd Sandra" called "Healthy Kink" (23 Jan 2013) where Sandra interviews Ryan Witherspoon about kink which was very helpful to me. It was so good that I had my wife listen to it.

For me, I need the sexual tension of spanking as well as the violence of the thing. The sexual tension is essentially what I am being punished for. My sexual response is inappropriate and I am being spanked because I think spanking is sexual. That I eventually orgasm during my spankings is just embarrassing and more or less proof in my mind that I am being rightly punished. My wife does not play this mind game with me; it is entirely in my own head.

I am always spanked before, usually during, and almost always after I ejaculate. I've never dared to ejaculate before being spanked though I find that very exciting to think about. Usually the scene is that I am being punished but can't control my sexual response like a teenager getting an embarrassing erection on the bus or in class. Eventually, the erection that is ignored by my punisher throughout runs its course resulting in ejaculation during my spanking. In my fantasy, the ejaculation is utterly embarrassing and without pleasure but in real life, they are strong and powerful.

I bring this up because it seems that my ability to enjoy a sexual response during a spanking is the most deviant part of my kink (spanking isn't even considering kinky anymore because it is so mainstream). It was difficult but essential to explain to my wife. More on that later.

I would suggest that you have a discussion with your girl and explain how important to you this is. She doesn't have to enjoy it or even really understand it because I am sure that you don't fully understand it either. I cornered my wife in the car (I was driving) and we had an hour to talk. One point that you need to stress is that you aren't sick. This isn't a disease. You can't get psychological help for this. I suppose you could but it would be expensive and probably not as fulfilling. Someplace in your past, the wiring got set and this is the way it is.

I came to my wife basically begging. I love her and didn't like where my need to have this fulfilled was pushing me. I wanted her to help me explore my needs. I felt like there was this part of myself that was off limits to her--my partner that I trusted with everything in my life--and that I couldn't be open with her about this part of me. Because of that, I felt like I was keeping something from her. I wasn't being completely open and honest. I wasn't trusting her and I wanted to trust her with even the most sensitive, scary, delicate, and dangerous part of me.

It went surprisingly well. I asked her to help me explore this part of me and she said yes. I didn't make my plea angrily or like a submissive. I was direct but nervous. It was clear that I was scared out of my mind. I had wicked dry-mouth and I kept stuttering and pausing to collect myself.

Another point that I made very clearly right up front was that our sex life, our married life, our life in general was not going to change. This was something I needed in addition to what our happy life was. I have, I think, lived up to that and in some ways it has made our sex life better. I am free to enjoy vanilla sex with my wife without wishing spanking was involved because there will be another time set aside for indulging my spanking needs.

At this point, you have to realize that you are going to have to compromise. I would like full-on role-play, domestic discipline, scheduled maintenance spankings, punishment spankings for minor infractions, impossible rules, costumes, and going to munches and parties. That isn't going to happen for me. I compromise by playing out the story in my own head and giving her just enough information to make my bottom burn at the appropriate time and intensity.

In other words, keep it simple. At least at first, keep it very simple. No speaking parts for her especially. Code words (green = more, yellow = back off a little, red = stop). Set a time, number of spanks, or some other indication of when it should be over. If you haven't been spanked regularly, make sure she gives you a warm-up before really laying into you. Otherwise you will bruise and freak her right out. Don't cry the first time. Don't freak her out at all. Actually, keep it safe the first couple times so you don't freak yourself out either.

I would suggest that you be thankful. Overly thankful. Get your romance on. Flowers. Dinner. Chocolate. Lavish praise. Clean the house. Do something for her that she has wanted you to do for a long time. You want the message to be "thank you so much. I totally needed that and the more than happens the more <this> will happen."

More than that, after she spanks you, you must be happy and pleasant to be around. A weight has been lifted. Serve her joyfully and thankfully.

A couple other bits of advise from someone that cracked this code:

- Be honest about what part of spanking is the part that works for you. I am weird that I need to ejaculate during my spanking. The sexual aspect is, therefore, important to me and the focus (rather than the submission aspect). My wife doesn't need to play with my penis or touch me at all, but I will be erect and probably playing with myself. I just had to get the courage together to say that "yes, I find this sexually exciting and if everything goes right, I will probably have a sexual release at some point." Once that was out and understood for what it was, the one time I didn't ejaculate became the weird experience and not all the times that I did.

- Don't make her give you a hand spanking. You are a big boy; get your spanking with something that will hurt you and not her. We have a variety of things that I've picked up over the years. The favorite is a bath brush about a foot long with a business end measuring 4" x 6". It is still one of the most severe in the arsenal. I also have an oak paddle and I made, a big wooden spoon from Wal-Mart, and then some specialized paddles from one of the online places. Stuff from Fascinations and the other main-stream adult stores is pretty weak.

- If you like to be humiliated or embarrassed, again, be honest about it. I like her to be clothed and me to be entirely naked and excited. It is a little embarrassing and I like that. I like be afraid and nervous. I also like being sort of out-of-control sexually excited. If this gets you off, she has to know that because otherwise it will be really uncomfortable for her. In other words, she has to know what you want to feel so that when she sees you feeling that, she knows that she is doing it right and you are getting what you need.

- My wife really hates me in a submissive role. She hates that look on my face. She likes her man strong, confident, and able to protect and care for her. My persona during spankings is about the least pleasing aspect of the scene for her. Part of the compromise is that I don't go fully into a serious subservient place. I keep things a little light and I actually stay in control of the scene. I sort of need the scene to play out in a particular way for me anyway but rather than being all passive aggressive about it and code wordy, I just remain a little more in control.

- Alcohol helps. I never drink before a spanking but I try to get a couple good strong drinks into my wife. This helps her step in the role easier. I think she has fun sometimes (though she doesn't like to admit it).

- Many of my spankings now are big multi-part scenes where I get spanked once and then we do something, and then again, and we do something else, and then finally I get spanked over her lap and ejaculate. I love those but the time commitment is huge and sort of stretches the scene out over the whole evening. Don't make the scene too complicated and if there is a complicated scene one time, make it really simple the next time. A 10 minute long spanking is plenty long and really not a huge time commitment.

- When it is done, it is done. Be done with it and go back to life the way it normally is. Be thankful and whatnot but don't talk about the spanking with her for hours afterwards. Note that I have blog where I process so that I don't process with her.

- I always ask for a spanking a day or two before. If we agree on the time, then I let it go and I don't talk about it. In my head, I am a mess of anxiety and anticipation. Outwardly, we are just going along like we normally do. I'll usually remind her the day of by just mentioning that I am nervous about what I going to happen that night or whenever. That's it.

- What you want for the scene--the plan, as I call it--needs to be stated at some point. Make the time when you outline the plan close to the spanking. The less you say, the better.

- Waiting sucks and is awesome. Let her know that there is no rush but you are ready for your spanking whenever she is ready to give it to you. Then get out of her hair.

So, good luck. You aren't sick and there is nothing wrong with you. People that are into this are no more diagnosed with mental illness than people that aren't into this.

Lastly, be direct about the mechanics of spanking. My girl needed a little gentle education about this. Make sure she knows to concentrate on the sit-spots and away from the lower back. I like being open and spanked right on the crack. I think this is because I feel my prostate stimulated. It is embarrassing and that triggers me. It is also very sensitive. Point is, talk about pace, intensity, pattern, and that sort of thing. Don't assume that she will know what a spanking is or isn't or that she will have any idea what it means to you. When she does it right, let her know.

Good luck and let me know how it goes for you. -John

Spanking and Dessert

This spanking happened a week ago but I haven't been able to write about it since then. As introduction, here are a couple posts I made on my Tumblr the day before and the day of: 

Tomorrow
I am going to get a spanking tomorrow. I’m getting nervous already. After work, I’ll get the super ouchy paddle for a while and then I’ll take her out for dinner. After dinner, she’ll use the brush and make me wiggle on her lap so that I make my squirt. She will probably spank me after my cummy too. That will hurt worst of all but I really want to do a cummy so it will maybe be worth it. I’ll write about it afterwards.

Tonight's Spanking

I am going to be hard all day. I will have to wear one of my pairs of underwear that allows me to be comfortably erect but is also thick enough so that a day’s worth of pre-cum doesn’t leak through. I find it embarrassing when she sees how badly I’ve stained the fronts of my undies anticipating my spanking so I will have to wear a dark color as well.

My spanking will be in two parts. The first will happen shortly after I get home from work. She will probably make me wait a little while until she is ready to go to dinner. For a while, I will probably hover around her or putter around the house doing chores. Eventually, I will run out of things to do and she will be close to ready. I’ll tell her that I will be getting ready for my spanking, I’ll collect the paddles and my cummy towel and go to the den.

I will get naked when I am there and I will organize the paddles: clear, leather, spoon, and the big scary paddle. I’ll bring down the bath brush too but she won’t need it until later. I will put my cummy towel on the seat of a chair and sit on it. While waiting, I will slowly masturbate.

The head of my erect penis will be shiny with pre-cum when she walks into the room. She thinks it is cute when I am sitting waiting for her to spank me with my penis poking up so I will let her “catch” me like this. She will be completely ready to go out to dinner. Right after we take care of this one little thing, we will be leaving.

I am going to bend over the counter for this part of my spanking. My erection will be swinging free and won’t get any stimulation except for whatever air flow I create humping the air. I will be doing a lot of that movement of mock coitus as I try to escape the painful spanking. 

She will start with a warm up of a few minutes with the clear plastic paddle and then the leather slapper which is pretty stingy and maybe some with the spoon on the hard to reach places. After I am warmed up, we will set a time for probably 10 minutes and she will switch to the big scary paddle.

Before each stroke, I will have to arch my back and stick out my bottom. She will spank me once or twice before letting me get back into position. She might tease me a little by tapping the spot that is going to get the next spank, or pausing a little longer than I expect, or hitting two, three, or four times instead of the expected one time. One thing is for sure: the big scary paddle hurts and she will make it hurt extra bad in the last minute.

When the time is up, I probably won’t be rock hard, but a strong hint of my pre-spanking erection will still be present. I will put on my pre-cum stained underwear and my clothes and we will go straight to dinner. Minutes after the last spank, I will be sitting in my car and driving.

She will get to drink at dinner; I will not. Sitting will be uncomfortable and my erection will most certainly return. We will be out for a couple hours.

When we get home, I will go straight to the den to get ready for the second part of my spanking. She will probably find something to do for at least a few minutes just to make me wait. When she finally comes in to finish my spanking, she will find me again sitting with a dripping erect penis poking up ready to do its dirty business wherever it can.

She will sit in the spanking chair and we will put my cummy towel over her lap. I will thank her again for spanking me and spanking me hard, then I will go over her lap. I love the feeling of the terry cloth towel against my penis and it will be all I can do to not start rutting like an immature teenager having sex for the first time. I will try to wait until at least the spanking starts. I will humiliatingly fail.

I am always nervous about this part of the spanking. Once it starts, I forget all about how I was ready to cum just seconds before. I just do the motions and hope that the good feeling comes back. It is a huge relief when it does and suddenly the spanking doesn’t seem so hard anymore. I will usually use the “harder, faster” codeword at this point. 

She will spank right through my orgasm which at first will be great. In fact, my orgasm might even be prolonged because the pain slows the pleasure. But at some point, the pain and the pleasure merge and I will have about the most powerful orgasm I can have. Seconds later, it will be over and my act of rutting on my wife’s lap will be replaced with squirming and wiggling to escape the spanking like a little child. This part hurts the worst. She won’t overdo it but when she stops, the good feelings will be long forgotten, and my soft little boy penis will be resting in a pool of my own semen.

She will rub my back afterwards and I will thank her again and again.

Nervous

I had a meeting this morning but then a twenty minute drive to be alone with my thoughts and my thoughts when I am alone are entirely about my spanking tonight. The underwear I wanted to wear didn’t immediately appear so I had to pick a different pair. I’ve lost some weight and my old one’s are roomy enough for me to comfortably have a constant erection. However, they are old and frayed. The pair of that vintage I did find were pretty beat up and I wanted to look my best for my spanking.

The pair I have on is a little constricting but maybe that is good. I shouldn’t be too comfortable, right? I wore some really baggy jeans so hopefully any leakage into my underwear won’t go all the way through to the outside. Sometimes I wear a long shirt so that if it does leak through during the day, my shame is not immediately obvious to everyone. Even with that level of protection, locker rooms are still a problem. Of course, locker rooms are a problem on spanking days because erections are generally not cool in locker rooms.

Tonight will be another countdown spanking. I had this idea watching a video clip of a young woman being spanked where she kept struggling to get back into position or stay in position after each hit of the paddle. I liked how her bottom was jiggling embarrassingly, how she was crying, but how she kept getting her bottom presented for the next spank of the paddle. No one was forcing her or holding her down even though it was clearly very painful and embarrassing. Her vagina was visible and open as was her anus. Though each spank made her recoil and cry harder, she would push out her bottom for the next. With her bottom presented out and relaxed, her crying made it jiggle enticingly.

I liked the idea of being exposed, of jiggling in anticipation and when the spank landed, and of having to be in position before my annoyed spanker would continue. We did this last time and it was good. My calves ached from being on tiptoes and she teased with surprisingly evil menace throughout. But, I think that there may have been too much time in between each spank. I like the anticipation but craved more intensity.

This time, I am going to ask her to just spank me until I break position and then wait until I get back into position before starting again. Maybe I will suggest a penalty of ten quick with the brush if I don’t get in position quick enough.

I am open to suggestions. :)

The Spanking

In the bad wiring that is my brain, I had the idea in the afternoon that we would go to dinner and I would be bad. Between dinner at one place and dessert at another, we would go home to give me my spanking. I thought this would work well since my vanilla spouse spanks better when she's had a couple drinks. Also, it would put the punishment spanking closer in time to the yummy spanking after dessert.

She agreed that this would work. I set everything up in the den so that we would be ready to go when we got back from dinner. Dinner was interesting and there wasn't too much tension. Usually on spanking nights where we do dinner, my bottom is stinging as I sit through the meal. I felt the same tension anticipating the spanking but it didn't have the physical reminder. Instead, I felt dread because the punishment part was still to come.

When the check came, I had that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I think some color went out of my face because she noticed as well. She joked about putting off the spanking if I was so nervous. This, of course, is unacceptable since the anticipation combined with dread was making me almost nonfunctional.

As we drove back home, I told her about getting a countdown spanking (after a little warm-up) and how I wanted to be spanked continuously until I broke position. She would then wait for me to get ready again before continuing but that if I took too long, she could use the brush to give me a bunch of stingers as a penalty.

She didn't make me wait long when we got home. I went straight to the den and took off all my clothes, covered a chair with my cummy towel, sat on it, and slowly stroked my penis while waiting. I was already very hard and had to be careful not to have an accident.

I took my hand away from my aching erection when she walked in the room. She smiled  briefly at my hardness and I weakly and shyly smiled back. I don't remember much about getting into position but I do remember that the first spank with clear lexan paddle hurt more than I had bargained for. She didn't use it for long but when she was done, there was a nice tingling sting and I was still very hard.

I set the timer, got into position, and she got to work. I didn't make it clear that she should only use the big ouchy paddle so she switched between the leather slapper, the small oak school paddle, the brush, and big ouchy. I was staying in position well but the oak paddle made me dance. I took a little break but got back in position and then took a longer break after a few more spanks and though I thought I could get back in position, I was bad and didn't. I saw her pick up the brush and almost panicked. The half-dozen penalty spanks with the brush really got my attention.

I behaved well for a while as she switched through the implements and then broke position again for too long. I had been getting out of position a lot. Finally, I was out of position and struggled to get back in but just before she spanked me, I chickened out. I clenched my cheeks when I heard her change from paddle to brush just before another half-dozen hard and fast spanks right on my sit spots made me rethink not being in position.

I was good again for a couple minutes but I think she was getting worried about how my bottom was looking because she was easing up. At nine out of ten minutes I just asked her to go hard and fast with only the big paddle (purpleheart oval with holes) for the last minute. I was able to hold the posture correctly but I was wiggling my bottom back and forth and I could feel it jiggling with the spanks. I stayed quiet because I didn't want her to worry about me. Inside, I was starting to really struggle. It was very good.

The timer went off just before I think was going to have to break position again. The idea was that I would just get dressed and we would walk out the door to go for dessert. If I was crying, then I would be crying in the car and at the restaurant. I wasn't crying but I could feel that my face was probably as red as my bottom.

Dessert took very little time. This was also different. Normally when it is spanking-dinner-spanking, I have lots of time between spankings. The dessert place was close and it was hard to stretch out dessert. My penis was erect and wanted release but my bottom felt swollen, stung continuously when I was standing, and didn't like it at all when I was sitting.

Pretty soon, we were back at the house and back in the den. I needed to cum and the nervousness about getting the brush over her lap was making it worse. She didn't make me wait long. In fact, it was just a blur: one moment we were leaving the restaurant and the next I was standing next to her playing with my erection while she straightened the towel on her lap.

It hurt from the first spank. I gave her the lexan paddle and the brush because I was worried that I wouldn't be able to handle just the brush. I was right to be worried. The first spanks deflated my erection a bit. I rutted impotently on her lap and tried to ignore the fire she was reigniting on my bottom. I was just starting to feel the pleasure of a fully erect penis against soft terrycloth when she changed to the brush. I struggled to push myself into orgasm land. Eventually it worked and I came long and hard. She never stopped spanking which both prolonged and ruined my orgasm until it eventually melted away and all I could feel was the crackling fire on my bottom.

It was good this time. Like always, I wish I had been pushed further but I was happy with the severity of the spanking I took. The good chemicals rushed into my brain and I had a glimpse of what an addict feels when they release the belt around their arm and let the H flow.

One last note: I made a big squirt and a huge mess on my cummy towel. My soft penis was decorated nicely and much part of my stomach had big globs of semen on them when I got up. I like the idea of my softening penis resting in a puddle of my semen--the sign of my silly inappropriate sexual experience that I had when I was getting my spanking--and being covered in it like a glazed doughnut when I get off her lap.

Next Time:

I like thinking about next time right away. I am tempted to try this again but not chicken out: big paddle only for the countdown, brush for the penalty, and only the brush for my wiggling time. On the other hand, I think it is time for something different.

One night I was really horny and just wanted sex or spanking or to jack-off. I was tired and half asleep but almost went and found her and just handed her the towel and the brush. I love the long and drawn-out scenarios but there is something awesome about quick, almost spontaneous maintenance spankings that hurt terribly from the first second and crescendos from there into unbearable.

That is what I think next time will be: just with the brush from warm-up on. I might not be able to orgasm when it gets intense so if I'm going to have my fun it will have to be early. If it doesn't happen then, it probably won't and I will have to have some sort of contingency plan. Last time I didn't squirt during a spanking I had to take care of myself later which was embarrassing but mostly just weird. I will have to have something else in mind.


For sure, a plan will come together and then a little desire followed by obsession and outright need. I don't think it will be too long before next time.

In Between

I love the idea of getting spanked weekly or daily even. I think I might even like it at least for a while. The idea of a lifestyle where she spanks me regularly or even irregularly at her will excites me and makes me curious. However, the nature of my desire is that I don't need it very often. The reality is I get a spanking less than once month on average.

I thought I should write this because otherwise it looks like I stopped blogging. I have't written since The Appointment spanking happened. Of course, this is itself silly because I have no 'loyal' readers. Was anyone dying to hear my next installment? Hello, is this thing on?

So why do I need spankings when I do? I have a couple ideas.

There is a stress component. When under stress from life, work, or whatever, I feel like a coil of responsibility is tightening in my core. My life is in my hands. I can make the day or screw everything up. I am in control and for the moment it is too much. Well, not too much. It is unpleasant and the unpleasantness makes me perform poorly. I am on edge and I sound angry. It doesn't suit me.

A couple things reduce the stress and release the coil. Calm, relaxed and collected, I can execute. Exercise is good but very time consuming and it has the side-effect of sometimes completely wiping me out. As an endurance athlete, getting to the point where I have the necessary chemicals released though exercise (endorphins, dopamine  adrenalin, cortisol, oxytocin) requires a stunning amount of time.

Instead, fifteen minutes of painful eroticized humiliation brings on the good chemicals of pleasure, emotional connection, and does something with cortisol which seems to reduce stress for me. There is this moment after the scene where I feel myself really relaxed.

Point being, there is certainly a chemical need for what happens. That is nice but I think if that was all, I would lean on exercise or find a way with medication to do the same thing. There are lots of ways to trigger dopamine and oxytocin. Cortisol is trickier but can be done. Adrenaline and endorphins can be triggered with a good hot sauce. I can make it happen.

Spanking eroticizes both good and bad things for me. I remember terror as a child of what it would be like if I was punished and embarrassed. One time I was embarrassed in front of the entire class and it was awful. My mind fixates on those times when I was powerless and in emotional or physical pain. I want to gain control of those terrible moments.

Today, I take those feelings of embarrassment, humiliation, and helplessness to a place where I can face them in a controlled environment. I am naked and posed so that my vulnerable parts are on display. My most private parts are punished and while the pain is delivered, I find pleasure in it. I conquer the pain with an orgasm of defiance. Albeit this is a short victory but my ability to withstand the pain is my true victory over all of the emotional pain I have endured.

From time to time I like to work through those feelings. It is like therapy.

Lastly, some of my earliest sexual feelings seem to involve spanking or a bottom or punishment or embarrassment. Strange memories like an instruction to tuck in my shirt so my  underwear doesn't show. Apparently that was a very bad thing. Another time, my mother told me about how a neighbor kid was spanked and suggested that "we do that". I said sure but pointed out that I never got in trouble. It was a little weird thinking that my mother was devising ways to spank me even though I never did anything that even got me grounded.

Another time my mother was having her usual demon possession time of PMS and warned my sister and I that if we weren't well behaved she would spank us with a wooden spoon until our butts and the backs of our thighs were covered in bruises. It was surprisingly vivid imagery. It wasn't until much later that I wondered why that exact scenario was in my mother's brain. Did she want to spank us? Was she into spanking?

My sister and I would sometimes role-play while home alone. More than one time the game was that I was supposed to clean but when I didn't, she would spank me. One time when were playing this game, the spanking implement was a big piece of paddle shaped wood. I misbehaved vacuuming (I think). Somehow I ended up naked laying on the couch with my hairless erection pressed against the rough fabric. She only gave me a couple swats before I was promising to be good and begging her to stop. I was stunned how bad it hurt. We played more 'naked' games but I think the paddle never made another appearance. Still, I remember vividly a good feeling that was probably my penis rubbing against the couch and then the overwhelming fiery sting of the padding.

Then there was my girlfriend with the spanking fetish. She would tell me stories of her childhood spankings and I would give her the occasional play spanking which in retrospect was probably not enough to satisfy her. One time, she turned the tables and it scared me that I liked it so much that I lied and said I didn't.

And, of course, the event I wrote about in my Tumblr that may have the most to do directly with what I've tried to recreate as an adult.

I don't have the itch right now. There is a lot going on that may be interfering but I don't feel like I need to be spanked. I think I know what I will ask for next time though:

Over the counter again and warmed up with the light paddle. Then the scary paddle for ten minutes like last time. The difference is that this time, less time between spanks. Last time, she waited until I got into position then waited or teased me for 10-15 seconds more. This was too much time between and I was able to cope with the pain. I want the pain to overwhelm me more. I want to be scared, worried, and fighting against panic.

After the 10 minutes over the counter, I want to go over her lap and feel the spoon and then the brush as I wiggle and grind myself to orgasm only stopping after I've fully completed my sexual self-gratification and then some more.

But I don't need it now. Soon, but not now. I'll let you know when and tell you all about it after it happens.