Self-spanking, Fleshlight, and Shame

I was in the shower obsessing about spanking and trying to get my nerve up to ask my wife to solve my problem when a funny thought crossed my mind. I have been toying with the idea of self-spanking and combining that with asking her to "finish me off" after I was well warmed up. I even blogged about my plan. Of course, having a plan and executing on the plan are two different things. I make a lot of plans.

Over the years, I have acquired a number of Fleshlights. These are basically male masturbation aids that are really quite fantastic experiences. I've had fun with them but not like some guys that do all sorts of unspeakable things with them. One of my favorite ways to play is to prop the "device" against a wall so that I have to hump it standing up. Of course, my favorite place is where there are mirrors so that I can watch myself over my shoulder. I like to watch how I have to hump the inanimate object and how I sort of convulse uncontrollably when I cum.

The dumb idea was to combine this with spanking myself. A while back, we tried having me stand at the bathroom counter facing the mirror while she spanked me. My erect penis rested on my cummy towels and I could hump the towels lightly while she blistered my bottom. The idea was that when I came, it would be more visible than when I squirt while over her lap. Perhaps it would be more dramatic, embarrassing, or even messy.

Anyway, it was a nifty idea but it didn't work out super great for a couple reasons. One was that I just didn't have enough downward pressure to create the necessary friction. Also, well, it just wasn't that dramatic. I was hoping to make a couple big squirts and then find myself unable to keep my spent member out of the puddle. I was hoping for a dramatic mess but instead it just drooled out like normal and I immediately shrunk leaving my little puddle sitting undisturbed.

The new idea was roughly the same thing except that I would put the Fleshlight on the counter instead of the towels. Then I would have something that would definitely provide enough stimulation for my little guy to work with while getting my bottom roasted.

I have several inserts depending on my mood. Some are just amazing while others are a little less intense and more suited for long edging sessions. To be honest, the real difference between intense and not so much is where all the good parts start; I'm not long enough to get to the good parts of some of them. I thought about how I would have to really pound on a low stimulation insert to get off but then decided that just being still in an intense insert would be delicious torture.

The problem is, however, that the one time my wife and I played with our respective toys together, she was, well, jealous of my Flashlight. She sort of liked it but didn't like seeing me screwing anything but her. This made me think that this was probably the sort of idea she wasn't going to go for but I decided that it would be interesting to try by myself anyway.

I decided on my favorite insert that gets me there super quick. I also decided on my little Lexan paddle to warm-up with and the hairbrush paddle to finish the job. I lubed up and sunk easily to my balls into the stimulating sleeve. Of course, it felt wonderful penetrating my pretend lover. I positioned myself at the counter holding the Fleshlight firmly on the counter with my left hand. Holding as still as I could, I did my best to self-spank myself with the Lexan paddle.

I tried not to move at all except to spank myself. This is actually tricky. Getting any sort of swing takes a certain amount of movement and each twitch in the sleeve easily eclipsed the sting on my bottom. I decided to switch to the wood paddle sooner than later.

Without a long warmup, the wooden brush was shockingly stingy right away. I rocked back and forth with the first couple swats and had no trouble enjoying the feeling of my penis attempting to fornicate with my inanimate lover. Looking down, I could see that I was completely buried in the perfect rubber vagina. Her glistening lips were stretched slightly around my little erection and appeared to be parted and sort of kissing my stomach. The cold of the counter against my scrotum contrasted dramatically with the warm wetness surrounding my desperate sex.

I tried to spank myself hard but anyone who has attempted self-spanking knows this is tricky. The body revolts against inflicting pain on itself. Still, I tried to light a fire on my own bottom alternating between cheeks and always trying to strike the sensitive sit spots. My bottom quickly had my attention and I decided to reward myself by humping a little when I took a spank directly on the crack. Left, right and then I pulled back a little, center, and back in. She accepted me lovingly and rewarded my bravery generously.

Again, left, right, and then center. Each center spank earned me a little thrust. The little thrusts, however, felt terrific and I realized my error: I wasn't going to last long. I was shaking trying to stay still and make it last and I spanked harder in a vain attempt to keep myself from going over the edge. Left, right, center, left, right, center, over and over.

I lost control and poured my seed into the vessel. She accepted it with only the slightest flexing of her perfect labia lips as I pumped out my semen. Immediately I had to stop spanking myself. With the desire gone so was my ability to accept the pain. I never want the spanking to continue after I squirt but when it does and I take the pain from my wife, I am always proud of myself afterwards. It is so important to me to be well punished after my little naughty selfish squirt. It is what renews me and resets my brain.

Instead, I stood there with my shrinking penis inside a masturbation aid unable to continue the punishment that I needed. Looking in the mirror I saw the mixture of post-coitus (fake-coitus) and shame. I pulled my still swollen but no longer erect penis out and it glistened in the harsh lights of the bathroom. The sensations that pushed me to my pre-mature ejaculation moments before were maddening torture as my penis retreated from its lover.

And that's it. I cleaned up, put everything away, got dressed, and went to work. I wish it had been a great experience and a suitable substitute to getting spanked by my wife but it wasn't. It was sort of fun masturbation, of course, and as orgasms go, it was awesome. But ejaculation during a spanking for me isn't about the pleasure but getting it out of the way so that I can truly feel the punishment.