My Perfect Spanking

I was asked (on Quora) what my perfect spanking or dream scenario is. The question is maybe a little icky coming from a stranger though perhaps more so coming from a friend. Anyway, here was my attempt at an answer.

The Naughty Chair

This is another post that is not going to be for everyone. Lots of dick pics and frankly, not very flattering ones at that. That is sort of the point, actually. As I write this, I still haven't pushed the Publish button and I not certain I will ever muster the courage to do so. I am not sure I am brave enough to post so many admittedly unflattering pictures of my most private parts.

The story is a mix of truth and fiction. The pictures are of me but staged in a re-enactment. I don't know why I feel it is necessary to mention except that I have been accused of "enhancing" reality to better match my fantasies.

Truth is it is always better in our heads no matter what we are recalling, writing about, or whatever. If we are the hero of the story, this is just how it is.

One last note: the pictures are from a couple different "photo shoots" as will be evident from my public hair. I wish I had the body of pre-pubescent boy complete with the body hair. Alas, I am not and have neither so I keep searching for what looks best on what I've got. 

Spanked Like I'm 12-years-old Again

This is an expansion of a post I did "elsewhere" but I liked writing about the idea. My post was a wee bit long for that site too. It fits better here. It isn't a story but the bullet points a bit further down are sort of steamy.

Adult spanking comes in many, many flavors. This creates the usual problem for those that like a kink where it isn't just about finding someone else that likes our kink but we have to find the person that likes our particular flavor of that kink. To use the ice cream analogy, we might all end up at Ben & Jerry's but we are all over the map when we get there.

Clearly I, Johnny Fessée, am into a really specific kind of sexual spanking that involves complex age-play role playing. This works for me because when we play, I get to be a little boy, get my bottom well-spanked, and still have a sexual release.

Understandably, many people are really uncomfortable with age play where one, both or more of the participants pretend to be a child. From the outside, this looks like a bunch of pedophiles that are doing the next best thing. That isn't it. At all. Sure, there are freaks out there but most of us that pretend to be young, very young, or with one of those people in their sex play have zero interest in children sexually.

Also, we weren't all molested or wish we had been molested. I get a little tired of the "broken" label when it comes to sexual tastes. It seems overly Freudian and simplistic--like a movie where the pro/antagonists origin story is a single life event that wounds or shapes them inextricably. Real life doesn't work that way. Our brains are shaped by repetition, consistency, environment, and so much more.

Sure, some of us came from horribly traumatic moments and dysfunctional relationships but for most of all of us, our wiring just is. If there is a perfect brain, it is only theoretical. This means we are all broken and if we are all broken, well, then it is just a matter of degree.

I can't speak for everyone that likes their age play a little on the taboo side but I believe we want to 'recapture' a simpler time, an innocence, a naïveté, and a time when we were healthy, beautiful, fit, and just discovering our sexuality. First, it is total fantasy because at the time, we were confused, scared, and sexually useless. Speaking as a male who is a pretty quick shot at my advanced age, when I was emerging from puberty, touching my erection could create a sticky mess in just seconds. I wanted sex so bad at that age but it would have lasted seconds. Mere seconds.

There is probably a "chasing the dragon" component for many of us. Either in real life or our deep fantasy universe, our first sexual experience was probably at a young age. It was an "extreme" experience regardless whether it was healthy, unhealthy, or traumatic. If it was delightful, we may be seeking to relive that first eye-opening experience. If it was less awesome or outright nasty, we may be looking to "process" what happened to us by recreating the experience in ways where we control it. 

Though it may seem counter-intuitive, recreating a difficult experience can be very therapeutic. We can take a time when we were powerless, afraid, and felt in danger but then put our adult self into the same or similar situation and come out victorious. It is incredibly empowering especially when coupled with a sexual experience.

For whatever the reason, we may want to really feel like we did so many years ago. But it is so difficult! It feels like if I could just turn off the adult part of my brain and not see my adult self when I look down or in a mirror, could I be there again? I wish.

But why 12? For many of us, this was a crossroads age. Though not really a child, we probably still acted like children. We were far from being adults as well though we would have moments when we could be fairly mature. Never lasted for long, of course. At the same time, our bodies had turned against us but were also giving us all sorts of new feelings as well. We would be pushing for our autonomy from our parents, getting into trouble, freaking out about our body image, and wanting like crazy to have a boyfriend or girlfriend while being utterly clueless about what we would do with a romantic partner. I remember when a girl said she would go out with me being like when a dog actually catches the car it is chasing; I had no idea what to do next and she broke up with me days later.

If you aren't into getting spanked, it can be hard to fathom why this was the ideal time because it means that our idealized mythologs could be the sort of people that did not deserve to be punished but who would have had a conflicted multilayered experience if it happened. We chose as our ideal personas, personas that would be crushed, humiliated, traumatized, and scarred by a spanking.

Of course, your reasons may be different than mine but so many of us who are obsessed with spanking love that age. Innocent yet sexual. Mature yet powerless. 

All of that said, to feel like you are a 12-year-old getting a spanking you need to be spanked like a 12-year-old. Everything about what is happening has to be like it was back then.

What made the 12-year-old me be the 12-year-old me was the innocence and the fear. It was super scary thinking about getting a spanking when I was 12. That fear, anticipation, nervous excitement, and embarrassment are what we need to recreate to capture that feeling. In addition, there was a helplessness or sense of inevitability to the spanking. We were in control before we were naughty but then it is like a light switch and we went from “good” to “bad”; the spanking flips the switch back and there is just no other way besides the ritual and results of a sound spanking.

In order to recreate that feeling, we need to address each of those feelings and mimic them as best we can:

• Anticipation: Don’t skimp on anticipation. As much fun as an impromptu spanking may be, you lose the feeling of waiting for it to happen with those. I like to have a good day or more to think about what is to come. Don’t put it out of your mind either. Find a way to think about it all the time.
• Embarrassment: This is tricky because the things that embarrassed us when we were 12 may not be the same things when we are adults. A 12yo will not be comfortable with being naked in front of anyone. Most adults are.
  
  I’ve tried a couple things here like shaving off all my pubic hair, not covering my erection, dressing like a little boy, cross-dressing, etc. but really it takes two-to-tango on this. Embarrassment is a feeling about yourself but humiliation is when someone else makes you feel embarrassed. Let your spanker know that you need to be humiliated and give them the list of “fair” targets. For me, penis size is awesome as is my arousal but also how my bottom jiggles when I’m spanked or even how I look fetching the next thing I’m going to be spanked with.
• Dress: I think a spanking should always be on the bare bottom of a naked person. That said, until the clothes come off, dress the part of a 12yo if you can. Street clothes might be more difficult but pajamas, nighty, underwear appropriate for a child, etc. all not only put you into that place and time but also are a little silly on adults which enhances the embarrassment factor.
• Place: Where you were spanked when you were 12 (or where you think you would have been spanked) is probably where you should be spanked now. It might be tempting to just use your bedroom but there is something to be said for that long walk through the house to the kitchen, living room, or study where you get your spankings and where maybe a sibling or guest might see. The bathroom is great because all the tile makes it that much louder. Regardless, make it a special place where either your spanker is waiting or you wait for your spanker. I don’t think it should be where you two normally bump uglies or whatever.
• Implement: This is also important. BDSM people have all manner of interesting devices but when you were 12, the implements are much more pedestrian, common household objects like wooden spoons, hairbrushes, belts, or maybe a paddle.
• Reason: If you are the sort of person that needs a reason why you getting a spanking, keep it also age appropriate. Spanking offenses are character issues, not criminal issues. You get a spanking for a bad grade, lying, being mean, talking back, or not eating your vegetables. Arson, not so much. If you need to manufacture a reason, blame it on ‘playing with yourself’ because that is embarrassing, childish, and we are all “guilty” of it.
• Arousal: Maybe not everyone went into a spanking when they were 12 with tingling in the nether regions but if that was you, make sure that you are ready for action before the spanking starts. Nervous excitement may need to be manufactured now that we are older and in a little more control of our parts. Get to the edge. If you’ve got a little corner time to do before your spanking, this is an excellent way to spend that time. A very naughty way to spend that time, I might add.
• Fear: As adults, we should have negotiated a little with our spanker about how much is too much. This means that we won’t be spanked beyond what we can handle and this is a good thing. The challenge then is to make sure we aren’t super sure we can handle what we ask for. Safewords exist for when your mouth writes checks your bottom can’t cash.
  
  I’m into erotic spankings but even so, in order to capture this fear (which is quite the aphrodisiac for me) I want to be spanked hard and fast after I have my little accident. I ask her every time before my spanking to spank me extra hard if I make naughty.
• Words: Put away your adult words for everything when you are talking about your spanking and when it is happening. I use proper, clinical, or child’s words for everything: penis, vagina, doo-dad, pee-pee, thingy, tickle, tingle, orgasm, ejaculation, semen, sperm, stickies, messy, naughty, no-no, boom-boom, buttocks, bottom, special hugs, intercourse, etc. Don’t use the adult words or anything that makes your parts adult or sexual. Call each other using nicknames, baby names, or familial titles like mommy, daddy, ...
  
  Especially tricky here is the word itself: spanking. Call it what it is. Don't say it is smacking, beating, whipping, whopping, or any other word that isn't just as humiliating and childish as a spanking. Remember: this is the punishment fit for a child.
  
• Helpless: Easily the most difficult to recreate is the helpless and hopeless feeling that what is going to happen is just going to happen and there is nothing we can do about it. For this, I like bargaining: try to get out of your spanking. Your spanker should know this is what you are going to do and to just not let you talk your way out of it. Through all of it, don’t argue like a lawyer, user your 12yo vocabulary and combine that with 12yo logic: why shouldn’t you get your spanking? “Because I don’t want a spanking,” or “it’s too ouchy.”
  
  It is tricky because some of us have very scripted spanking rituals that we want but if you can, give you spanker as much freedom as possible to improvise. Positions, implements, rooms, timing, … let them change things, give you extra spanks, or change the plan. Give up as much control as you can.
• Acting: When you were 12 and getting that spanking, you certainly didn’t take your spanking quietly, stoically, or like you deserved it. You complained, cried, wiggled, and let everyone know how you felt. Use your little words, don’t swear, but definitely wiggle like it might actually help. Don’t really fight because, you know, adults can do a whole lot more fighting than a kid but act like you are really getting a spanking.
• Innocence: When we were 12, we didn’t know how all the sex parts worked. You aren’t going to be able to fake that level of naiveté but you can sort of ignore what is happening to you. It is best if your spanker is in on this, but if you are producing lubrication, are erect, ejaculate, or orgasm don’t treat it like a proper sexual experience or expression: these are signs of your naughtiness that should be commented on, belittled, tsk-tsk’d, and absolutely not hidden or left unnoticed. Someone was especially naughty during their spanking and your spanker should make you feel that way with words and maybe actions.
• Crying: Look, spankings really hurt or are supposed to really hurt. You probably cried when your were 12 and you need to want to cry now. Crying is hard because it is less physical and more emotional pain. Still, it won’t happen if you don’t let it happen or want it to happen.

That’s all I can come up with. Good luck!

The Game

Disclaimer: This is a story of fantasy and is not only not intended to condone or approve of the behaviors contained herein, there is absolutely nothing about treating children as sexual objects that the author approves of, desires, or would dream of doing to an actual child. This work is written in the context of age based role play.

If you cannot understand this, have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, or are in any way confused about what is appropriate and legal sexual expression, stop reading now.

Lastly, I am not a pedophile, don't approve of sexually assaulting children, and only use these themes in my writing because I empathize and identify with the victims of these stories; not the perpetrators. Some of us like to be embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, spanked, and to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. Weird, right? To read more about why these stories were written, please see the "What This Blog is and is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST" post.

Caught Playing With Myself

I was just so horny that it made me stupid. It isn't that I am not allowed to masturbate but she gets so jealous when she finds out. It seems that she wants to be my only sexual outlet and though she knows that boys need relief sometimes, she would prefer we had sex instead.

What she doesn't understand is that I might really need it and then if I ask her and she says no or not now or whatever, I still have a hard little problem. It isn't like I can be rejected and then slink off to do my business. I don't think she likes that at all. Sometimes relief is better than taking the risk.

The problem is that if she wants some lovin' from me but I'm not ready, willing, and able, that is bad too. Ideally, she would like me ready for sex all the times she wants sex but for me to just calm down when she isn't in the mood.

The scene played out in my head all day making my penis hard and head foggy. I had seen a picture of a male transvestite trying to stroke his penis. S/he was hairless with small breasts and hips that flared like a woman's. The pale penis and testicles were flaccid, soft, and small like a boys. This beautiful creature invaded my thoughts. I imagined gently sucking on that delicate penis/clitoris. Something about the feminine beauty and the male genitals had me confused and aroused.

I found myself home and alone with an erection that was almost painful. At first, I went to the bathroom for a quickie but once my pants were down, I got braver. I undressed and decided that I should be more comfortable so I left my clothes in the bathroom and got naked into bed. I found the lube in the nightstand and got some tissues ready for cleanup purposes.

At some point, I had missed the telltale sounds of my wife coming home. She realized something was amiss and was standing right at our bedroom door as I made my naked entrance, got comfortable, lubed up my member, and prepared myself for a little self relief.

Admittedly there is no way to announce that you are watching someone masturbate that is anything besides jarring. Still, she was upset because to her, it looked like I was taking more care to make love to myself than I usually do to make love to her. Also, as I got started, I was very much enjoying myself. In fact, for all my preparations, I wasn't going to last a minute.

She walked in and I, of course, froze. I spoke first and said, as one could imagine, the stupidest thing possible: "Oh, I didn't know you were home." Like, why would that matter?

Worse yet, my penis just pulsed in my hand. I wasn't ready to pop yet, but the lack of more stimulation was annoying to the little fella.

I will spare you the lecture she gave me which didn't really make much sense but when one is naked in bed with a luxuriously lubricated erection thinking about nuzzling the tender penis of a tranny, it is really not the right time to argue. The upshot was that she was mad, hurt, and offended. Her solution to all of this was to spank me.

This happens sometimes. Spankings hurt and she can really deliver the heat but I get sort of aroused by spanking. She knows that sometimes spankings can be a real turn-on for me but she knows that once my penis goes soft after I ejaculate, I am just the saddest sorriest and most contrite little boy ever.

Truth is that if I know I am going to be spanked after I orgasm, the fear of how much that spanking is going to hurt makes the orgasm just amazing. I am almost thankful for how bad it hurts because I know that I'll take the fear into my next spanking and it will fuel my next orgasm. It is a feedback loop of pleasure and pain. The more severe the spanking, the better my orgasm; it doesn't even matter which order anymore.

Getting caught masturbating, however, was new ground. I wasn't sure but I didn't think she was going to want me to enjoy my orgasm this time. She also knew I wasn't going to 'appreciate' my spanking unless that pesky hardness was gone. Clearly, I had a problem.

"Get up," she ordered as she dropped her purse. "I am going to give you such a spanking," she mused kicking off her shoes.

I struggled to my feet. It was tricky with one hand covered in lube. I ended up standing awkwardly with my erect penis bobbing lewdly as I tried to think of something to say. Nothing came and I just stood there stupidly.

She disappeared into the closet but was back in what seemed like seconds with the hairbrush in her hand. My penis bobbed approvingly for some reason. She just tsk-tsk'd annoyingly and sat down on the chair that 9 out of 10 times is where I get my spankings. She didn't say anything but just waved me over.

I shuffled over and expected to go right over her lap but when I got next to her, she said, "OK, you better finish up." I looked confused. "Go ahead, get it over with. Hurry up."

As aroused and scared as I was, I was also self-conscious. Nervously my lubed hand met my slippery already lubed up erection and started making the motions that I had been making since I was twelve. My knees buckled right away but I didn't want to look like I was enjoying myself too much. Still, it felt awesome and the tingles that feel so good just before I pop started in my belly.

I tried so hard to not look like I was enjoying myself but that made it just build slower. The slow build was amazing and the tingles spread down my legs and across my bottom. I knew that just seconds after I had my little fun, that delicious tingle across my bottom was going to replaced by just blinding pain. The thought propelled my orgasm forward and almost without warning, I exploded. Neither of us had really thought that part through and I sprayed all over the skirt covering her lap before catching the last little bit in my already sticky hand.

She didn't look at all happy. "What a mess. Oh well, you get to lay in it. Come on, get over."

My knees buckled as I climbed over being careful to not make more of a mess. I carefully protected my right hand and navigated clumsily with my left. My post orgasm weakness didn't help me be any more coordinated.

I was only over her lap for a second before the hard wood of the hairbrush tapped gently on my right cheek. With a sigh the wood disappeared and with no warm up, she was in full swing. The pleasure of the moment before disappeared entirely and was replaced by first a ferocious sting and then a bonfire. She spanked hard, fast, and covered every bit of the pale skin of my bottom methodically. I knew she wouldn't be done until it was all bright red.

For my part, I was as brave as I could be. I tried not to kick but I kicked. I tried not to complain but I protested like a little boy. I didn't bother trying not to cry. The tears poured out of my eyes like the semen had from my penis just seconds before.

She stopped when her anger was spent. I was done kicking and my words were just wailing. I was truly sorry. I had been a naughty little boy but I had been spanked clean.

One Boy's Journey -- Part 8

Disclaimer: This is a story of fantasy and is not only not intended to condone or approve of the behaviors contained herein, there is absolutely nothing about treating children as sexual objects that the author approves of, desires, or would dream of doing to an actual child. This work is written in the context of age based role play.

If you cannot understand this, have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, or are in any way confused about what is appropriate and legal sexual expression, stop reading now.

Lastly, I am not a pedophile, don't approve of sexually assaulting children, and only use these themes in my writing because I empathize and identify with the victims of these stories; not the perpetrators. Some of us like to be embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, spanked, and to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. Weird, right? To read more about why these stories were written, please see the "What This Blog is and is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST" post.

One Boy's Journey -- Part 6

Disclaimer: This is a story of fantasy and is not only not intended to condone or approve of the behaviors contained herein, there is absolutely nothing about treating children as sexual objects that the author approves of, desires, or would dream of doing to an actual child. This work is written in the context of age based role play.

If you cannot understand this, have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, or are in any way confused about what is appropriate and legal sexual expression, stop reading now.

Lastly, I am not a pedophile, don't approve of sexually assaulting children, and only use these themes in my writing because I empathize and identify with the victims of these stories; not the perpetrators. Some of us like to be embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, spanked, and to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. Weird, right? To read more about why these stories were written, please see the "What This Blog is and is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST" post.