Disclaimer:

First NSFW and you better be over 18.

A good boy spanking is one where the man-boy being spanked has an erection, orgasms, or just ejaculates sometime during the spanking scene. That is a little clinical and it isn't an official definition. I stole the term from another blog post (strictjuliespanks.blogspot.com) that seemed to be the closest things to what happens to me (or I would like to happen to me).

This is my travelogue as I explore this part of myself. Enjoy!

Tuesday, December 31, 2024

Julie & Johnny: Mommy Finds Her Naughty Little Boy

"Your little soldier is all big and brave!" she says in her most patronizing tone. She is sitting on the "spanking chair" fully clothed and holding a thin teardrop Lexan paddle. It is a stinger. Mommy used to start my spankings with her hand. She gave it to me as a gift after she broke a nail one time. She starts with it now. 

I am naked, nervous, and very erect. She probably assumes I masturbate all the time, but I haven't in a week. Since I knew there was a spanking coming today and since it is easier to wait for a spanking when horny, I just kept my hands off. My little soldier is very eager for action. 

"He's so cute!" she squeals. "Just adorable and he even has a shiny helmet and everything." I've been leaking pre-cum for days but since I had been sitting on the spanking chair for the past half hour waiting for her to come over, I busied myself with making sure every drop of pre-cum I leaked was captured and spread around my penis' head.

Playing with myself is allowed, but since she will spank me until I cum, popping while I wait would be a super bad idea; it might take a long time to cum again. She likes to spank me until I am crying. If I don't make during the spanking, I get a little break, and then she spanks me again. The spankings start almost gentle, but then build in intensity until I am crying.

We aren't a couple, just friends. We met when we both worked at the same company. During a company sponsored social time, we were both in a group of people talking about our families. I was the only single person and she also had little to add. We had a bonding moment being bored listening to how everyone else's significant other or children was doing. 

Julie was attentive enough and jovial even though she didn't share anything specific about her non-work life. I was curious and when we had a moment alone, I asked if she was single or what. Her answer was cagey but I must have looked honestly interested.

Turned out Julie was involved in a committed same-sex relationship. Her significant other was not yet out to her family or most people in the conservative town we lived and worked in. They were roommates as far as most people knew. She probably opened up to me because I had recently moved to this island of traditional family values from a city everyone associated with liberal ideas and debauchery.

Like everyone, she assumed because I moved from the city, I was probably one of "them". I wasn't and, in fact, I had moved from the city because as much as I wanted to hang out with the crazy people, I didn't fit in. When one lives in a place full of health food eating libertarians with gorgeous bodies and no hangups, being less attractive leads to a lonely life.

I am a small man in every respect. Not only short and skinny, but under-endowed as well. Every girlfriend eventually discovered what is inside my pants is a disappointment. I could get the job done but it wasn't enough when it seemed every other man in town was taller, built, and packing.

Had I stuck it out longer and maybe tried harder, the city life might have worked. Though true, a traditional girlfriend wasn't really happening, I wasn't really looking for a traditional relationship. What seemed natural would be to connect at an emotional and sexual nature before revealing what I was really looking for. This, it turns out, is a terrible idea.

When the opportunity to move to the small town appeared, I took it not only because it was a good opportunity, but to escape. The damage to my self-esteem, however, was already done. Also, in my new home, the dating options were slim unless I was a member of one of the religious organizations in town. No one was going to date outside of their faith.

Julie and I got along well and over time opened up to each other about our struggles fitting into the small town life. After I swore her to secrecy, I shared how things had gone sour in my old life. When I brought up how I was searching for my soul mate without revealing my true kinky desires, Julie just shook her head and said, "oh you poor sweet silly man."

Julie's tastes were unconventional and complicated. Though a "mostly" lesbian, she had a fascination with men. Specifically, she thought their idea of sex was strange, foreign, and entirely infantile. All males were just children to her. Babies, boys, teens, men, or whatever, she thought they were simple creatures driven by appetites and satisfied with only the basest of basic needs being met.

At a mutual work friend's BBQ one afternoon, we discussed what this meant to her. She was ruthless is her assessment of how a man's penis made all his decisions. The only difference between a teen boy and a grown man was how layered his manipulation of those who could satisfying his sexual needs would be. Boys with weights, sports, cars, and guitars gave way to money, positions, power, and stuff. Though maybe a little simplistic, she wasn't wrong.

At some point, I said I had to agree and shared my struggles to compete with the big, beautiful, and well-endowed men in the city. I even shared how I liked being treated like a little boy by a dominant woman had won me no points in the competition.

Suddenly, the conversation changed. She was super interested. Her focus was like a laser as she interrogated me. I was completely sober, with all my inhibitions intact, but my penis became erect as we talked about my sex life. I spilled it all.

I laid out my dommy mommy desires, my little boy persona, the little girl clothing collection, and even how I like wearing panties I've ejaculated into. She asked leading questions and listened intently, her drink forgotten.

"I'm wearing panties now, even," I said to reinforce a point about how strong my kink is. She raised her eyebrows and smirked. "They are still clean," I said with a wink.

After a short pause, she said softly, "I could be your mommy sometimes." The erotic talk had me erect. This offer made me throb dangerously in my pants. I blushed and shivered. She did too.

"Really?" I asked far too eagerly.

She nodded and I shivered again. My erection strained against the cotton panties inside my pants.

"I, um, I'm, I'm, really close to, you know, making my panties very messy," I whispered.

She smiled. "That is very naughty. Little boys who make naughty messes in the panties get big spankings," she teased.

It wouldn't take much more. "No, mommy, please. I don't want spanking," I whined.  We were at a picnic table in the shade. The party was winding down. Groups of neighbors or co-workers were still talking, but not mingling. Some children were playing croquet without following any of the rules. The light was fading. We were out of the way, alone, and ignored.

I made a big show of moving my right had to my lap.

"Then don't you dare do cum-cums in your panties."

"Mommy, please, it needs to come out," I whined. My pants for this gathering were loose fitting, casual, and a dark khaki. They were thin and breathable which made complete sense for the weather. Through the paper thin material and the cotton of the panties, my fingers found my skinny stiff erection's frenulum. I lightly flicked it and gasp.

"Are you playing with yourself too? So, naughty. You stop right now. I should spank you right here." She smiled as her eyes sparkled.

"I can't, mommy. Please don't spank me. I can't help it. Oh no, mommy, I'm sorry," I plead softly.

I've had enough orgasms in public to know hiding it is not easy even when no one is watching. Julie stared at me and told me later how my eyes dilated and I blushed. I kept eye contact. I wanted to connect with her while it happened, let her know what was happening to me.

Like most of my public orgasms and even those at home before I leave the house in my cum-filled panties, I always try at the last second to stop. As the point when I can't stop approaches, it isn't the shame and embarrassment as much as the logistics surrounding my sticky mess making me doubt. Everything about what I am doing is perverted and deviant, but when my semen leaves my penis, it isn't just a grown man having dirty thoughts, it is a grown man having a sexual experience.

My fingers tickle me slowly over the edge as I hold my breath. I pull my pants away from my straining member and freeze. Every part of me stops moving except for what is inside the panties. My bottom hole, perineum, scrotum, and shaft all pulsate in unison forcing sperm laden semen through my urethra. The warm liquid immediately registers on my lower stomach. It feels wonderful all over but my penis tip is the center of my being. Even the friction of the thick liquid being forced through the tiny mouth is a pleasure I hope to never take for granted.

For such a thoroughly satisfying orgasm and what I was starting to fear was a copious ejaculation, it is over in just seconds. Like a teenager with his girlfriend in the back of a car having unprotected sex, the regret swept over me followed quickly by panic. Julie sensed the change and leaned into it.

"Did you make big squirts, baby?" she asked. Then adding before I could answer, "it looked like if felt nice. I hope it did because it earned you a spanking."

I was starting to panic. Logistics were important or I wasn't getting out of the backyard without everyone knowing what just happened. The shame overwhelmed me and I felt tears welling in my eyes.

"I, I, yes, but, I need, it will soak through my pants. I," and then I trailed off as I started to look for something, anything, that could save me. She had a napkin under her glass. "Can I have that?" I asked pointing.

She giggled, "sure," and handed it to my left hand. As quickly as I could with as a little motion as possible, I took the napkin and then reached down my pants as best I could, and placed the tiny square over my still leaking and twitching erection. I could only hope it would provide enough of a barrier to keep a dark wet spot from forming on my pants.

I got my hands back on the table as quickly as I could. "Such a naughty little boy," she tsk'd as I glanced around to see if anyone noticed. "Someone is going to be sleeping on their tummy tonight."

As is usually the case, a spanking didn't sound like much fun now that my sexual energy was drained. Still, I knew enough to know talking my way out of the spanking was wrong, and I would regret it later. Still, a frightened look on my face betrayed my resolve eliciting a chuckle from Julie.

"Why don't you leave first. I'll leave in a few minutes and meet you at your house, OK?" she suggested breaking character. It took us a few minutes to trade addresses and discuss logistics. In the end, the plan worked pretty well. She got up first and walked over to some work friends. I tried to look a little uncomfortable--which I was--got up, picked up my glass, and headed for the kitchen. After leaving it there, I snuck out the front door and to my car.

For the entire walk, I was acutely aware of the sticky mess being pulled by gravity down my stomach. When it seemed I was alone and not being watched, I ventured a quick glance at my crotch. There was a dark spot but it wasn't glaringly obvious. The short drive home was uneventful, but once there, it was obvious the quickly placed napkin had failed. Luckily, I was in the privacy of my own garage and just a short walk through my own backyard to my house's back door.

The laundry room is right by the garage so after taking off my shoes, I pulled off my pants and socks, and put them in the correct bins of the clothing sorter. My t-shirt seemed out of place so I removed it as well.

The napkin clung valiantly to the pretty white panties with tiny yellow flowers. I pulled it off to reveal a translucent wet spot from the waist band down to where my soft penis rested in repose. It was a vulgar mess, a perverted testament to my deviant behavior at the party, in public, and mere feet from children. The little girls at the party likely were wearing panties just like I was wearing and had defiled.

Quickly, I walked to the side door I asked Julie to use, and unlocked it. Then after a quick and tricky potty break and a detour to pick up a fluffy hand towel, went to the guest bedroom, and waited impatiently.

The house, by the way, is a massive and old monstrosity. Though originally just a three story square Colonial Revival built on a corner lot, various owners over the years modernized much of the interior. The front door faced a beautiful tree lined street. The side street is less trafficked and goes nowhere. It is where my garage entrance is. Like these small towns of old, the big house on the corner was the original farm house. The rest of the houses around the block were all built on the subdivided parcels when the town's growth swallowed the farm. As such, my house was a castle on my block, and the blocks bordering it as well.

The kitchen was updated by the previous owners who did a nice job. before I moved in, I had the trim, banisters, and other woodwork repaired or replaced and stained dark brown, almost black. The walls are mostly white on the main floor.

The house was built around the staircase straight up from the foyer to the second floor where the landing stretched around all sides with a loft like area at the front and a door out to a small porch. The much smaller stairs to the third story are tucked into the left side between a child's bedroom (that I had turned into a sadly rarely used exercise room) and the master suite. Someone had combined two or maybe three rooms into a master suite with a massive bathroom and closet. The other two bedrooms on the second floor shared what was the original but very updated bathroom.

On the main floor, most of the original walls had been knocked down to create basically two room: kitchen, dining and family room combination, and a 'formal' living room. I made the formal decidedly less formal.

The third floor had been an attic. The ceiling was low and sloped but it was entirely finished. I turned it into an office.

On the second floor to the right of the stairs and at the front of the house was a room the previous owners had decorated for their teen son. They had painted in blue and I left it that color. Dresser, desk with straight back wood chair, twin bed, night stand, and the rest were as generic as possible. It was the furnishings one would think a teen boy's room would have. It was sterile and cold with way too much open floor space. In other words, it was the archetype boy's room.

Julie's arrival scared me. No door bell or knock, just the sound of the side door open and close. Then footsteps as she slowly followed my cryptic navigation instructions through my house. 

She found the new occupant of the young man's room standing in a pair of semen soaked panties in the middle of the hardwood floor. Her eyes lit up as she took in the twin bed, blue walls, and sparse young-male style furniture. Nothing about the room belongs to any particular boy. Still, it was clearly not a little girls room.

It had been long enough for my refractory period to end, yet my penis was still flaccid. "Are you proud of your little show at the party? Mommy was having a nice time and then little Johnny had to have an accident. Oh, and it looks like you had a big accident today too. Mommy might have to buy more diapers if baby is going to make in his panties."

Buttons were being pushed. My penis stirred as the game restarted.

She glided over to the desk, pulled out the chair, and spun it around so it faced me. Julie is taller than I am but not statuesque by any means. Nor is she particularly thin or shapely. In fact, she is sort of solid in an athletic sort of way. At work, she makes a big deal about all the hiking and walking she does.

Her party attire was a shapeless sundress and floppy hat. It was all feminine but not at all sexy. As she threw her hat on the desk, I realized she was dressed like a mom and shivered. My penis flexed and I winced as the sticky goop pulled at my skin.

Waving me over, she sat on the chair. When I got within arms reach, she grabbed my hand and pulled me close between her spread knees. "Let's see if we can get these off without making more of a mess," she mused. Fingers in the waistband and then she slowly pulled them to mid-thigh. I stared over her head at the wall as I was bared. "Oh my, you are a very naughty little boy. Just look at how much you squirted into your panties today."

I willed myself to look down and was surprised to see my four inch penis mostly erect but also covered in drying and dried semen. In the gusset of the panties was big smear of still wet semen. My testicles were clearly also coated as was my tummy.

"So gross," she said as she continued to lower them to the floor. I stepped out of them and watched as she placed them to her left.

"Go get a wet washcloth so mommy can clean you up," she commanded. I willed my legs to move. On the walk to the bathroom, I realized I was going to be doing a lot of errands.

The water warmed up quickly thanks to a new system some previous owner had installed, and with warm damp washcloth in hand, I walked back into the bedroom to find Julie by the bed. The hand towel I had carelessly tossed on the bed was laid out near the edge. "Come sit here, baby," she said taking the wash cloth. "Good boy. Lay back. And now lift up your legs so mommy can clean your naughty bits."

It was horrifying but also exhilarating to be positioned like a baby during a diaper change. The wash cloth on my erection felt wonderful. Her movements were clinical and efficient. Just a couple strokes with the cloth on my penis, wipe over my tummy, then a gentle cleaning of my scrotum, and finally back to front wipes from my little crinkly hole over my perineum. More time was spent on my crinkly hole than probably necessary but I did not complain.

"OK, baby is all clean. Can't spank a dirty bottom, can we?" she almost sang. "Up you go," as she pulled me to my feet. "Go put the washcloth in the hamper for me, baby."

I scurried out of the room down to the master bedroom where my hamper was. And then I scurried back to the spare room. My freshly cleaned genitals and bottom so much more comfortable than the sticky semen from the panties.

Julie was sitting on the chair when I got back, the hand towel across her lap. This was clearly where she planned to sit while spanking me. I must have made a face.

"I know, baby. Spankings are scary and ouchie. But mommies need to spank their little boys when they are naughty or they won't grow up to be good boys. You want to be a good boy, right?" I nodded. "OK, the sooner we get started, the sooner it will all be over," she said leaning forward and taking my hand. She gently pulled me to her right and then over her lap. As my penis came to rest on her lap, I realized the panties were almost directly below my face and I was staring at the smear of my sticky mess in the gusset.

A firm hand on my bottom and a gentle hand on my lower back. Her right hand disappeared for just a second before a mommy started spanking her little boy. A sound like clapping echoed around the room as she did her best to teach a lesson. I gasped as the sting built. To my right, woman's feet in sandals. Above them, the hem of a sundress obscured the legs of a mature woman. A mother. A mommy. A mommy spanking a little boy.

"Mommy, ow, I'll be good. I promise. Ow. Please, mommy," I chanted in my highest little boy voice. It was an act. The spanking didn't hurt enough or didn't hurt enough yet. She knew this.

"Oh please, we are just getting started," she retorted. I wiggled and squirmed while I complained. My penis against her thighs tingled and hummed.

Suddenly, she stopped. "Good enough for a warmup," she seemed to say to herself. "Up you go," as I was encouraged to my feet.

"You need a good spanking with the wood spoon," she said point at my face.

"No, mommy, I'll be good," whined the little boy.

"Oh hush. Go fetch mommy a nice big wood spoon."

Of course, there is a big wood spoon in my bedroom. I retrieved it from my closet before making a big show of going downstairs to the kitchen. All the drapes are open and even some windows. The naked boy scurries through the house with a vicious looking wood spoon in his hand. Pink bottom already spanked, erect penis bobbing lewdly.

In his bedroom, his mommy waits impatiently for her naughty boy to return. "Here," he says insolently clumsily handing the spanking implement to her.

"That is enough of that bad attitude, little boy. You just earned a paddling after I am done with the spoon."

The little boy is more vocal during this spanking. Though she only spanks for a few minutes, his eyes begin to water and drip onto the panties. The sting builds but is not overwhelming. He twists, wiggles, tenses, and relaxes. Through it all, his penis hums, prostate purrs, and testicles churn. The naked little boy protests even as as his body responds to the rhythmic percussion, woman's hand on his back, and female genitals nearby. Her soft thighs beneath him could just as well be on either side of his body as he impregnates her.

She stops. "OK, put this back in the kitchen and bring me the paddle."

His penis is an angry red and the tip is blue. The towel has a slight wet spot where pre-cum has seeped out. At first, he runs out the room and down the stairs and to the kitchen, but then he seems to realize the more he hurries, the sooner the spanking resumes. He puts the spoon into the jar on the counter with the others. It is conspicuously larger, less used, and sturdier.

The climb up the stairs starts in the open space by the front door. A mirror on the wall reflects the worried boy as he comes out of the kitchen. He is thin, skinny even. His dark hair is disheveled, clean shaven face flush, but his body is pale and hairless. From his groin, a delicate appendage protrudes irrationally proud. It is also skinny and though at its fullest length, girth, and veiny glory, only 10cm long. Its owner prefers to use metric for this measure since four inches seems smaller. Beneath the phallus, a purse containing two precious testes is drawn up close to the body and out of danger. As if to communicate its readiness to perform, the erect penis flexes producing a single drop of clear lubricant at its tip where it defies gravity and remains in place above the tiny mouth.

The boy twists so his back is to the mirror and glances over his boney shoulder. His pink buttocks catch his gaze. "All this spanking, and they aren't even red," he thinks. His lack of bravery shames him as he bows his head and mounts the stairs.

The paddle is in the master bedroom's closest. It is right out of a highway tourist trap gift shop. Unlike the fraternity paddles or near weapons of the S&M crowd, this paddle is intended for a child's bottom. Long enough to spank two cheeks at once, wide enough punish the whole cheek, but not so heavy as to bruise delicate behinds. It feels right when held by the handle. It feels like the sort of implement one could swing hard.

And it is an antique. Well worn before it was bought be the current owner, its surface shows so much use, the pithy saying are unreadable. The walk to the boy's room with the instrument which raised a chorus of crying over the decades is as slow as he thinks he can get away with. The paddle seems to gain weight with each step as does his certainty it will bring him to tears. Spank after spank will sting his cheeks, reddening them, punishing them, punishing him, and there will be no escape as the righteous work is done. A slippery drop lands on his thigh as his penis flexed again.

Mommy looked impatient but was standing by the bed. The hand towel was laying over a pillow which had been placed by the side of the bed. She reached for the paddle which I reluctantly handed to her.

"Stand here, baby. You can put your naughty on the pillow. The towel will protect it!" she said.

I moved into place. The bed would have been too low but with the pillow, the shaft of my penis pressed against the side, and the head poked over the top. If felt warm, soft, and wonderful.

"Hold still, baby, even if you start to cry." I shivered in nervous anticipation.

As it turned out, the large surface area of the paddle, its light wood, and likely my arousal all conspired to dampen the effect of the paddle on my cheeks. Though it cracked loudly, the sting didn't match the volume. I rocked forward with each spank which caused my erection's most sensitive part to rub gently on the soft towel. The tingle was urgent, needy even.

After only ten spanks with the paddle, I knew I was going to orgasm soon. "Mommy, mommy, stickies, mommy, I, they, going to come out again," I said in my best little boy voice.

"Don't you dare," she said but kept spanking. "I will blister your bottom with the hairbrush if you make another naughty today."

"No, mommy, please. Not the hairbrush," I protested.

"Then keep your stickies inside. I can't believe you. Getting a spanking and still ready to make another sticky mess. So naughty," she seemed to be speaking to herself.

I had a real problem. As much as I tried to stay still, my erection was still getting stimulation. Keeping my ejaculation from happening was not going to work. With new desperation, "mommy, please, it needs to come out. I can't help it mommy. It's going to happen. Please, mommy." To be honest, I wasn't sure what I was asking.

She stopped immediately and threw the paddle on the bed.

"Stand up this instant," she said pulling me by the elbow away from the towel I so desperately wanted to caress. She spun me around to face her then bent over and with two hands, carefully picked up the soiled panties touching only the clean waistband of the sides. She moved it directly beneath my throbbing erection and commanded me, "OK, make your squirts onto your panties. Go ahead."

As God as my witness, I tried, I really did. I willed my penis to deposit my ejaculate onto the still wet gusset of my panties. I whined in frustration and humped the air. Nothing happened. I was close but not that close.

"Mommy can you, um, touch it. Just a little. Please."

"Oh, you disgusting little boy. No, your mommy is not going to help you ejaculate."

"Can I, mommy? It just needs a little tickle."

"Ugh, no, gross. I am not going to have my little boy masturbating in front me." Pretending to think for a minute, she moved to the bed and gingerly placed the panties on the towel covered pillow. Then she guided me back into position. "You are getting this paddling. And if you squirt, you will get the hairbrush too, understand?"

"Yes, mommy," I squeaked.

She tried to position the panties so if I squirted, it would likely be on the back of the panties. My testicles immediate stuck to the now paste-like smear in the gusset. The sensitive parts of my penis rested again the soft fabric which hugged my pale cheeks just an hour ago. It felt wonderful immediately.

Wood tapped my bottom and then a crack that made me jump. I caressed the cotton beneath my erection. It caressed me back. An "ooo" sound escaped my mouth. Each spank stung but pushed me against the pillow. After only five spanks, my orgasm was within reach. "Mommy, it's happening, mommy. Oh, oh, mommy, please, oh, oh, oh," and on and on.

My hands which had been trying to grip the comforter clenched as I arched my back to bring the sensitive tip more contact. My orgasm announced by moaning and groaning. Julie huffed and threw the paddle on the bed as I thrust forward and up. We both watched the semen erupt onto the back inside of the panties.

The sting and burn of my bottom wasn't so much forgotten as transformed. For a moment, I wasn't a failed man or a naughty boy. I was my pulsating penis majestically delivering my very genetic material into the world.

And then it was over. I was a little boy in a little boy's room squirting sticky semen onto a pair of little girl's panties while his mother who had been spanking him watched. It was naughty. I was very naughty.

"All done, Johnny?" mommy asked with irritation and annoyance in voice. The orgasm hadn't completely run its course, the good feelings were still pouring over me. Still, there was a right answer.

"Yes, mommy. I'm sorry. I couldn't help it," I whispered.

"You've earned a dose of the hairbrush. Go get it." Then she crossed her arms. The conversation was over.

On the wobbliest of legs, I stepped away from the bed being careful to leave the much more soiled panties in place. I walked in a daze to the master bedroom, to the closest, and opened the drawer containing the sacred object, an object I feared like no other. My hand shook as I picked it up.

This was stupid. I could stop this. My bottom was sore already. More spanking wasn't necessary. Two fabulous orgasms and a new friend. It had been a great day. Stop. End. Thank Julie for her time, patience, and attention. Then walk away.

I stopped in the bedroom and took a couple breaths. No, this has to happen. I have to see it through. It will be terrible medicine, but medicine all the same. As I started to walk, a lone drop of semen dripped from my soft penis and splattered on my left foot.

Mommy was sitting on the chair, towel covering her lap, and the panties with my fresh deposit of milky liquid on the floor to her left. She could sense how conflicted and scared I was. "Oh baby, it will be OK. Spankings are scary, huh? Especially without your brave little soldier.

"But mommy needs to give you a good spanking so you will be a good boy. She needs to spank away all your naughties. Make you a good boy again. Do you want to be a good boy?"

I nodded.

"OK, give mommy a kiss and say thank you," she said taking the hairbrush from my shaking hands.

I leaned over and kissed Julie's cheek. "Thank you, mommy," I whispered.

"'Thank you' for what, baby?"

"S-spanking. Thank you for spanking, mommy," I managed to say.

"You're welcome, baby. Don't be afraid to cry. Even big boys need to cry. Crying means the spanking is working.

"OK, over you go, baby," and with a pull of my hand, I was lead over her lap. For a moment, I had a good look--and smell--of the mess I made on the panties. Though a few little drops were near the waist band where I spurted, most of my emission formed a puddle almost straight down the crack. It was an impressive amount compared to the usual dribble in my toilet paper while standing in the bathroom. That all semen was on a pair of pre-teen little girl panties was perverted; the pretty innocent design obscured by my lustful sticky semen.

I was face to face with why I was being spanked. In that moment, it was real.

The hairbrush's hard back tapped my right cheek, disappeared, and then ignited a fire. I protested immediately with a loud 'ow' but even the monosyllable interjection was cut off by another spank. The pain was sharp, direct, unrelenting, and overwhelming. The tears came quickly as did the fight for control over the situation. It was a short fight I humiliatingly lost as I found myself truly crying tears of remorse, defeat, and pity. My flame engulfed bottom became my entire being, my entire world. 

At first, it was the pain. Then as I struggled for control, the powerlessness broke me. What I wanted meant nothing. I had to submit to mommy and trust her to do what needed to be done. I was over her lap because I was naughty. Because I needed this. The tears poured from my eyes and wailing from my mouth. The naughty was exorcised from my body and soul.

Mommy told me later she only spanked for about a minute but it felt like hours to me. After she stopped, I lay limp over her lap for just a few seconds after the last spank fell. I could hear myself crying, weeping, really. Then a shift under me and I felt mommy pulling me up. The last working part of my brain knew to do what she wanted because I might be spanked more if I didn't. 

She stood me up and then with a few moves and a "sit on mommy's lap," I was sitting on her towel covered lap hugging her and crying into her neck. She pet my hair, rubbed my back, and cooed, "all done, baby. No more spankees. all done." Her right hand left my hair and I felt it on my left cheek rubbing away the sting. Honestly, it didn't really help.

Later, I found it strange how I hugged and wept on the neck of a woman who not only was I not really in a romantic or sexual relationship with, but who had seconds before hurt me so thoroughly that I was weeping uncontrollably. I felt so close to her, so thankful for what she gave me even if there are few words which can describe it.

She held me tight and whispered the sweet things a mother would to her crying baby. I drank them in as my tears stopped and my head cleared. Finally, she patted my abused bottom cheek gently, and said, "OK, baby, all done. Let's get you dressed so you can go play."

The words confused me but my trust in mommy was infinite. She helped me to my feet, guided me to her left, and then reached for my panties. "Let's be careful putting these back on. We don't want to spill any of your precious stickies on my clean floor." Together we threaded my feet through the leg holes and gently pulled my panties up. The semen was cool against my bottom even as the elastic cut into my swollen flesh. "Perfect!" she exclaimed when they were on. "So pretty!"

Not that I wanted to sit down, but it wasn't an option until I changed or my semen dried. Pants also weren't a good idea. Even a dress or skirt was out of the question. In my mind, this was part of my punishment. It was a form of timeout. I felt the cooling semen between my cheeks. It would surely be drawn to the already overworked gusset.

Julie and I walked down the stairs and I saw her to the door. We thanked each other. I said, I couldn't wait to do it again. She smiled and said likewise. I closed the door and watched her drive away. Then, I went to the mirror and spent far too long transfixed by my bottom glowing through the panties.

Julie still becomes my mommy when necessary. 


Friday, December 27, 2024

Cold Walk Home

Disclaimer: This is a story of fantasy and is not only not intended to condone or approve of the behaviors contained herein, there is absolutely nothing about treating children as sexual objects that the author approves of, desires, or would dream of doing to an actual child. This work is written in the context of age based role play.

If you cannot understand this, have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, or are in any way confused about what is appropriate and legal sexual expression, stop reading now.

Lastly, I am not a pedophile, don't approve of sexually assaulting children, and only use these themes in my writing because I empathize and identify with the victims of these stories; not the perpetrators. Some of us like to be embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, spanked, and to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. Weird, right? To read more about why these stories were written, please see the "What This Blog is and is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST" post.

All that said, this story is about a precocious boy just discovering his sexuality and spanking kink, and his mother. The idea of being trapped by a set of simple decisions which lead to a situation where boundaries are crossed interests me. In this story, John manipulates his mother's rules and even religion to lure her into solving a sexual need he doesn't even recognize he has.

Like many of my stories, I wish I was little Johnny. Also, like all my stories, it is not autobiographical nor do I wish my mother or any mother would behave as she does.

Saturday, September 7, 2024

Errands

Disclaimer: This is a story of fantasy and is not only not intended to condone or approve of the behaviors contained herein, there is absolutely nothing about treating children as sexual objects that the author approves of, desires, or would dream of doing to an actual child. This work is written in the context of age based role play.

If you cannot understand this, have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, or are in any way confused about what is appropriate and legal sexual expression, stop reading now.

Lastly, I am not a pedophile, don't approve of sexually assaulting children, and only use these themes in my writing because I empathize and identify with the victims of these stories; not the perpetrators. Some of us like to be embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, spanked, and to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. Weird, right? To read more about why these stories were written, please see the "What This Blog is and is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST" post.

All that said, this story is about a dominant mommy and her little. The mommy character was sexually abused as a child and she relates a few stories as if she maybe enjoyed the experiences. In real life, child sexual assault victims have related or surrogate psychological damage manifesting in eating disorders, promiscuity, and others. Usually there is a control dynamic to their mental health as they struggle with being powerless at the time of their abuse. They also fight with the reality of being a victim who may also have been manipulated into complicity.

At any rate, I tried to capture this tension in the mommy character. It is really dark.

Friday, May 6, 2022

The Pattern

"Please," I whine, "I don't want an ouchie cummie." The words make me cringe almost before they are out. I'm naked over her towel covered lap as she sits clothed on the bed with her legs out straight. A wooden spoon is making me hump her lap with each stinging impact. It stings but isn't overwhelming yet though I know that this spanking will end with the hairbrush and me crying like a naughty little boy because that is how it always happens.

"Not today, baby," she says softly and sweetly. "I'm not in the mood and I know it has been a long time since you made squirties. You know you can't last long enough if you are so horny."

She is right. I can't hide when I start to get horny. My need seems to ooze out of my pores. Hugs, kisses, errands, chores, favors, and flowers; basically telegrams I want sex. She really hates it when we spoon and my erect penis throbs against her bottom like it is trying to interrupt her sleep for a little sexy time.

And little it usually is. If I get my way, it will all be over in less than a minute and then she will be have to get up and clean up or risk getting a UTI. She is prone to those.

No, this is the pattern more often than not. She knows how long I can go between ejaculations before I get annoying, crazy, or just very naughty. She doesn't like it if I masturbate and she really hates if I have a wet dream. About once a week, this is how we deal with my annoying little problem.

"And you know the rule, baby: no cum-cums without crying, no tingles without tears. 

"Now hurry up, baby. Make your naughty squirts," she encourages. Funny thing is that she starts spanking harder.

"Ow, ow, please, too ouchie," I complain.

"Nonsense! I am just spanking you with the small wooden spoon."

Each crack of the wood on my bottom feels like a wasp stinging me. I try to focus on my penis rubbing against the soft towel on her even softer thighs. Though my penis is aroused and erect, the fire on my bottom eclipses any good feelings. I hump her lap mechanically hoping biology will take over and expel my seed from my body into the towel.

It doesn't help in the least that her left hand holding the hairbrush rests against the small of my back. As stingy as the spoon is, the brush will be so much worse. A whining 'ooo' sound escapes my lips as I flash forward to when it will be employed as her righteous tool of purification. Hopefully I will have a satisfying mind warping orgasm before that happens.

She spanks me out of time with my rutting keeping me off rhythm. If my eyes are open, I am looking at my "cry blankie": a soft baby's swaddling blanket that protects the quilt on our bed from any drool, snot or tears that I might leak. Its baby girl design is almost as emasculating as the rubber duck theme of the fluffy terry cloth towel beneath my hard but pink little penis.

I close my eyes and try to imagine that we are mating but abandon that in favor of a vision of a hairy male with a weapon emerging from his crotch approaching a hairless nubile and nervous virgin girl.

"Is your pee-pee hard? I can barely feel it," she says breaking the spell of the vision in my head. I mew in protest making a sound that is soft and pathetic.

The humiliation triggers the girl in my fantasy to shift to a mature woman whose sex is enshrouded in thick pubic hair. The adonis shape morphs into a soft hairless specimen with an eager but insignificantly skinny erection. He is the picture of pubescent awkwardness and sexual confusion.

I moan in frustration at the humiliation my brain unleashes on me. The child's hard-on throbs and pulses as he positions himself above what I fear is his mother and then sinks effortlessly into her depths. Clearly she barely registers the intrusion as he nestles into her bosom. She hugs him maternally, not like a lover. He thrust once, twice, and on the third, freezes as his member pulses imperceptibly to her and dribbles out his vital essence.

"Uh huh, I'm trying. Ow, ooo, owie," I whine.

"Your little boom-boom is getting so red and I haven't even started using the hairbrush." She never wants me to forget about the hairbrush. I moan in impotent protest.

The man/boy in my fantasy lifts off his patient lover and her sex comes into a view again. The hairy forest protecting the entrance is matted down exposing her dark lips. "Now give mommy special kisses," she says as a rivulet of semen appears.

As he leans his face toward her sex, I finally feel a tingle just below the tip of my penis. An "oh" escapes my mouth and I redouble me rutting. Never when making love to my wife did I ever last this long. As if reading my mind, "you are lasting so long today," she says, "what a big boy you are becoming!"

From the initial tingle of sexual pleasure to orgasm is disappointingly brief. "Oh look at my big boy! Are you getting close?" she asks.

"Yes, I, um, ow, yes, I need to make squirties," I declare loudly.

"Good boy! Time for the hairbrush then." Though I couldn't see her face, I knew she was smiling.

There was just a slight pause as she switched to the hairbrush from the spoon. I tried to capitalize on the pause but it wasn't enough before the hard wood of the vicious little paddle set fire to my already stinging bottom. 

"Is it coming out, baby?"

"Almost, oh, ow, owie, ow, oh, ugh, please, just a, ohhhh," I chanted. It happened but all I felt was the friction of the thick fluid force its way through my shaft and through the little slit. No tingling goodness; just fluid transfer from deep inside me out and onto my fluffy towel.

Only seconds later, my fight was gone and it was her will being done. Though I kicked and clawed at the bed, my bottom absorbed her rage. She didn't keep the assault up for long but she didn't have to either. I was broken. The only sounds were the sharp crack of the wood against my abused flesh and my crying.

"Alright, get up," she said before I even realized she had stopped spanking. I know better than to not move quickly. Penalty spanks are a real possibility.

I pushed myself up with my arms and sat back on my ankles. The proud little erection was long gone as was the tight scrotum holding my testicles. The air felt cold on my semen covered tummy. Through my tears, I could see a yellow duck on the pink towel obscured by the translucent film of smeared semen.

"Wash your towel and put on some clothes. Let's go get some dinner."

Sunday, January 2, 2022

Christmas Tradition

Disclaimer: This is a story of fantasy and is not only not intended to condone or approve of the behaviors contained herein, there is absolutely nothing about treating children as sexual objects that the author approves of, desires, or would dream of doing to an actual child. This work is written in the context of age based role play.

If you cannot understand this, have difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, or are in any way confused about what is appropriate and legal sexual expression, stop reading now.

Lastly, I am not a pedophile, don't approve of sexually assaulting children, and only use these themes in my writing because I empathize and identify with the victims of these stories; not the perpetrators. Some of us like to be embarrassed, ashamed, humiliated, spanked, and to be nervous, anxious, and afraid. Weird, right? To read more about why these stories were written, please see the "What This Blog is and is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST" post.

Saturday, September 11, 2021

Preparing Myself

Soft scrotum tightly protecting two delicate precious testicles gently caress my thighs. Desperate erection so firm that it barely bobs as I walk. The weight of my genitals engorged with blood and with no clothing to support them. It is a sensation that almost never happens except when I am walking through the house to my spanking. 

Even if I know that she will spank me more than once, it is the first walk where it feels perfect. Cold bottom tingling in anticipation. A penis innocent even in its arousal. Later it will be coated with pre-cum, the wet tip cold, thighs spotted with slippery drops, and shaft and scrotum stained. It will look like an adult man's dirty needy organ ready to spray a sticky mess in or at least on any creature. Not so on that first walk. Hairless and pink, it is hard to believe that the cute little pee-pee could be capable of anything so vile.

The body of the owner has changed and admittedly the up angle isn't as dramatic as it was when I was younger. Otherwise, it is the same organ that drove my imagination, that made me take risks, and that tortured me all these years. As I walk though the house feeling the soft skin caress my thighs, I feel like the little boy in the cold empty house walking to my pretend disciplinarian. "I'll be good mommy! Please no spankees." echos in my head.

So long ago, I would walk home from school in the winter cold imagining that a spanking was waiting for me. I was at least ten when I started playing this game and I know it was a ritual for at least three years. In the world of my imagination, every scenario would play out on those cold walks.

Sometimes I would have a note from the teacher that I know would make my mother angry enough to spank me. Other times it was a test that I failed that she needed to sign. Other kids had to get their parents' signatures; I was never even close to suffering that embarrassment and I worked hard to be sure it stayed that way. Still, the fear that it could happen haunted me as did the fear of what the penalty might be.

My imagined spanking sometimes would happen right after I walked in the door. An angry mother just off the phone with a teacher standing in the foyer holding a wooden spoon waiting for me. I dreamed of not even getting my coat off before the spanking would start.

Other times I see myself pleading with her for leniency even as I took off my clothes down to the bare. And then shivering on the cold tile with my skinny pale bottom visible through the front door as she lectured me.

What if my sister was home? What if she had a friend? What if mom wasn't home yet and I would have to wait until she got home, or after dinner, or even later?

I would always end up completely naked even if my sister or some number of her friends were at the house. The fantasy incorporated the revolving door of her new best friend or friends. Each seemed cuter than the last.

Sent to my room to 'get ready' for my spanking, I would have to take off all my clothes. Then the walk through the open house to one of the rooms and their respective spanking implement. The kitchen with the ugly linoleum floor, the four straight back kitchen chairs, and all the wooden spoons. I fantasized endlessly imagining a precise sting of the spoon that bloomed slowly over my whole bottom to be as hot as charcoal in a summer grill. Even that ugly linoleum floor became a fetish item as I imagined myself staring at it as I was upended over mom's lap.

My parents bedroom could only mean the hairbrush. It was a frightening little club that rested on mom's dresser. I had never seen her brush her hair with it. Though she probably didn't mean it, the hairbrush was a silent warning to me to behave. In reality, it was her grandmother's and she would have sooner burned the house down that risk breaking it on the bottom of a naughty child.

If it was to be the bath brush, the room was to be the bathroom. The almost completely tiled acoustic nightmare of a room was bright even at night with the lights off. She would sit on the edge of the tub with my naked and sometimes wet body over her lap facing the mirror on the door. If I looked up, I could watch my own spanking and my face as it contorted. As we all know, the echo chamber and thin door hid nothing about what was happening in the room. Number one or number two, every strain, fart, splash, and tinkle was broadcast to anyone on the other side of the door and well down the hall. The spanking would be as loud as war and my cries of anguish and repentance would be read repeatedly back to me by my sister.

Of course, I might have to traverse the entire length of the house, past every room with a door and through every room without. Sister and guests would see me, spy on me, follow, point, laugh, but sometimes would comfort me afterwards by turning my sorrow into bliss.

Living room was that distant destination and it had the most options. The furniture allowed for everything from being bent over my mother's lap while sitting in eight different places, to being draped over the ottoman or bent over the back a couch or chair. And since the living room had no good spanking implements, it was an excellent setting not just for the traditional hand spanking but for the ritual of "fetching" whatever it was mom wanted to spank me with. The living room also afforded the best viewing accommodations in case my fantasy involved witnesses.

In each one act play that I performed in my head on the way home from school, there was a little boy that said one or both of my catchphrases: "Mommy, please, I don't want a spanking," "No, mommy, no ouchies, mommy." Always a selfish plea that mommy will spare me but never an admission of guilt, explanation, regret, empathy, or even acknowledgment that anything had been done wrong. Just a naughty little boy that proves he really should be spanked until he learns his lesson.

As further proof of this naughtiness, the entire walk home I would be struggling with an uncomfortable erection in tight underwear. Certainly if my dreams of a spanking were so exciting, I would undoubtedly have an erection if it really happened.

At that age, I was as beautiful as it turned out I would ever be. Later, I would be masculine and handsome, but when I was that young, I was a beautiful specimen except for my face that was an acne battlefield and teeth that seemed thrown at random into my mouth. Besides the hair on my head, I was nearly hairless. I was thin but looked a little bit muscular because every muscle was visible. Really, I was more like a living anatomy model designed to show muscles and tendons. Pale skin seemed almost see-through like if there was a bright light behind me, it could shine right through.

My penis when flaccid was cute and pink. When erect, I would point up so rigidly that I could look straight down at the slit. The tip would tint blue like an angry toddler holding its breath.

Those walks home in a dream pulled me away from the reality of the gray cold winter, my family's problems, the bullies at school, the girls that ignored me, and the turmoil of my pubescent confusion. It was a time where the hidden stress of being in junior high resolved itself. No longer would I fear the unknown but would actually experience it. Furthermore, I would be the center of attention and not ignored as my parents drifted toward their divorce.

The fantasies incorporated the reality that I really didn't know what was in store when I walked in the door. Many times the house would be empty. Parents at work and my sister either still in school or off with a friend. Other times, it would be an angry ugly place as my parents vacillated between the hot and cold war that they called a marriage. My sister and I hadn't yet realized that having our friends at the house was the secret to keeping our parents from fighting.

I was always relieved when no cars were in the driveway as I walked down the street. My erection would throb excitedly with the news of no adults in the house. If my sister wasn't home, it was solo play time when I would try to act out the script I had written on the way home. If I wasn't sure why the house was empty, the play would take place in my bedroom or the bathroom but when I knew the stage was empty, the whole house could be involved.

This was the beginning of my preparation ritual. After staging the house to be sure it looked like I was doing homework or some other worthy activity like practicing the piano, I would dash to my room. In the early days, it was almost enough just to be naked in my room. This quickly progressed to self-spanking and then the different positions for the spanking and the various improvised spanking implements.

Around this time, I would wake up in the morning humping my mattress through my flannel pajamas. It would feel good, then great, and then I would have to pee. Oblivious as I was to all things, I only slightly noticed that my jam-jams were sticky in the morning when I took them off and crunchy at night when I put them back on. Though those were my first orgasms, my first REAL orgasm was after after one of these walks home.

I guess I had stopped having my morning releases and was finding myself erect more and more. For days in a row, it seemed to be almost constant. One day, all the pieces came together: "the talk" with my dad that didn't make any sense, something I overheard the big kids talk about, health class the year before, etc. In the cold empty house kneeling on my bedroom floor with my pants and underwear pulled down just enough but still wearing my big puffy winter jacket, the lights off, the cold flat dreary light through the window, and a dirty dish rag I picked up in the laundry room as I raced through the house in my left hand, I lightly rubbed my angry erection for just seconds before it exploded onto the rag. It was nominally pleasurable but the relief was extraordinary.

There was a magical time just before I discovered masturbation when my libido raged but I had no idea what to do about it. At about the same time, the parents split and mom got a job. Suddenly, we were latchkey kids with a couple hours to ourselves after school.

On the days I was home alone, I would play out my spanking fantasies. Sometimes I would even end up outside in the playhouse in the backyard, on the front porch hidden behind the tree, or just in the cold garage. If I wasn't naked when I left the house, my pants were down shortly after I got outside. The freezing cold air of the midwest winter was a tantalizing sensation on my little genitals and vulnerable bottom cheeks. One time with my pants and underwear pulled down to my thighs, I stood on the front porch facing the street. It was foggy out and I thought no one could see me but then I heard cheering though I never saw who saw me.

Another time, I harvested icicles off the gutters until I found one that seemed like it would fit. I rushed inside with my prize and in the privacy of the bathroom, proceeded to insert it into my bottom. To this day, I can still feel the cold slippery phallus penetrate me surprisingly easily. It was scary, naughty, and exciting though the cold was so unpleasant.

The days my sister was home too became opportunities to explore each other with naked games like doctor and house. Sometimes I spanked her but more often she spanked me. I remember vividly the rough orange wool thread of the couch as I lay face down and naked for a spanking with a big piece of roughly paddle shape wood from the garage. She spanked me hard and I panicked under the sting.

Another time, I was sent to her room to wait for a spanking but mom came home before it happened. Sister ran into the room to tell me the bad news (that I already knew, actually) and as she ran into the room, she found me sitting naked and aroused on the edge of her bed. The look of desire and disappointment on her face when she saw my erection has forever haunted me.

We played the same silly games seemingly for years. Fondling, spanking, poking butts, and even kissing naughty places but nothing that would be considered sex. Still, I was learning about what men and women really did in bed. Mom bought us books but the one that was really informative was the one from her bedside table. There I learned that boys and girls masturbated. I tried to do it to my sister but we got nowhere. 

Feeling guilty and having just discovered masturbation, I offered to let her watch me do it. She said OK and we went into the bathroom where I laid down naked on the floor and rubbed my little erection for less than a minute before making a puddle of semen on my tummy. Immediately, I regretted what I had done.

Then there was the spanking play. We were getting to the age where it was pretty obvious our naked games were getting weird but she had an idea about giving me a spanking as part of some scenario. We went into a bedroom and closed the door. I undid my pants and pulled them down to just below my bottom before bending over the foot of the bed. She didn't spank me long or hard but I made a fuss like she was really spanking me. My wiggling and kicking stimulated me and pretty soon good feelings were starting in my penis. Just as my orgasm arrived, there was a knock on the bedroom door. I was up in a hurry and pulling up my pants even as my ejaculation continued.

It could have been so much worse but it was almost how close it was to being so bad that makes it haunting. When I turned around to face my concerned parent, my orgasm had just ended. Sticky semen was on my hand, the bedspread, and especially in my tight white y-front underwear. I was confused by all that but felt lucky to not have been seen with my pants down.

If it wasn't the nexus of my budding kink, it was certainly a shaping event. Shortly after that, my playtime with my sister did end. It was a natural end. We both had discovered what adult sex was and knew that it wasn't something we should experiment with together. Interestingly, we both flirted openly and aggressively with each other's friends and at one point, I had to intervene because I thought one of my friends was becoming creepy.

Those childhood experiences that happened and the ones that didn't created the ritual that became my sacred time of preparation. Spanking time had to be preceded by this private time when I would have no distractions except to anticipate what was to come. It is a time of anxiety but also eager anticipation. Even though my spankings are painful, embarrassing, and humiliating, they also almost always result in sexual satisfaction in the form of an orgasm.

The fact that spankings "almost" always have that little bit of pleasure tucked in near the end lends mystery and hope. Like Pavlov's dogs, I am conditioned to be ready for sex even as I prepare for my punishment. My penis even when flaccid is engorged and darker in color. My testicles encase tightly in my scrotum and pull up against my body and away from danger. When erect, I am turgid and look to be seconds from ejaculation.

After hours if not days of anticipation, my spanking ritual starts with private time in the bathroom. I have to be clean, groomed, and ready myself for my punishment. I don't know what would happen if I wasn't but I don't want to find out.

There will be no potty breaks so I have to take care of that first but then I always have to bathe. This is when I make sure that I am totally hairless from the waist down. I'm not very hairy anyway, but stubble and stray hairs are unacceptable.

Sometime while I am brushing my teeth or my hair is when the butterflies invade my stomach. It is like a light switch gets flipped and suddenly the spanking to come seems like a really bad idea.

In the mirror, a scared little boy looks back at me. His slightly chubby body is pale and soft. 

Even though I am into spanking, I get super anxious when I know it is going to happen. Spankings hurt and even though I need mine and find it arousing, I know that at least some of it will be agony. To get past this, I will try to focus on the good feelings I will experience when I have my naughty little orgasm while squirming on her lap.

It is silly because I could just pleasure myself at any time without negative consequence but I pretend that I am not allowed and that I am only allowed to have my little fun during my spanking.

My little orgasms are just the ultimate expression of my selfish nature. I don’t deserve that pleasure especially when I’m not giving her pleasure at the same time.

No, if I’m going to make my little squirts, I should have a bright red bottom and tears in my eyes when I do. Rather than being in one of her warm orifices, my penis is smashed between her thighs and my stomach. To stimulate myself, I have to push back toward the spoon, paddle or brush raining fire on my bottom.

In the hours leading up to my spanking, my erection haunts and mocks me. I have to hide it from co-workers, people at the gym (especially in the shower!), on the bus, and even from her. At the same time, I have butterflies in my stomach, stress sweat soiling my shirt, and a nervous stutter and laugh.

I stand in front of the mirror and inspect the naughty boy staring back at me. The body is of a man but the anxious look in his eyes reveals the terrified little boy inside. He isn’t fat but not muscular either. His tummy is full of butterflies and below that, a pink penis rests in repose like a frightened turtle. My testicles are retracted as well and look equally soft, vulnerable and frightened in their scrotum purse.

She will ignore my genitals during my punishment. Her focus will be on my bottom. I turn to inspect my plump bottom, the target of her wrath. It is also pale and only a little pink from the shower. Shortly the almost unblemished skin will be welted and an angry red. Indeed, it will absorb her anger as she transfers her disappointment into my helpless flesh.

I know the die has been cast, the spanking will happen. The butterflies churn in my tummy and I feel myself perspire. I don’t want to feel my bottom sting and burn. I don’t want to kick, whine, and cry. I don’t want to be reduced to a sobbing sorry little boy. In spite of all of that, I know from experience that my adult penis will be naughty even as I am being punished. It will just be like that fateful time when we were caught but so much more painful. I will finally receive the punishment I was due that day.

Actually, I will receive the punishment I was due each time I took a risk. Each unprotected sexual encounter. Each time in a car or park when I could have been caught. The girls that fell for my charm and let me do things. My selfish orgasms when she wasn't in the mood. All of those times when I prematurely orgasmed and didn't satisfy her.

It is all so shameful and embarrassing. She doesn't know some of the things I am most ashamed of even. The lowlight real of my risky sexual experiences plays in my head. To my horror whenever this happens, I find myself becoming aroused.

Looking down, I see my penis emerge, lengthen, thicken, and prepare for a sexual experience. Proof that this spanking is deserving proudly displays itself. In mere moments I will be standing before her with the erect penis of an eager lover. She will briefly inspect my straining member that has disappointed her so many times. Though throbbing in his need for release, his diminutive size would in other circumstances be an almost comical imitation of a man’s genitals. Instead, I will appear as a misguided pubescent boy who misunderstood his babysitter’s kind words as an overture.

My penis knows that relief is in sight even as I receive my due punishment. Skinny organ pressed between soft thighs and softer tummy receiving unintended stimulation even while the wood of the hairbrush cracks loud staccato on my unprotected bottom flesh. The tingles just below the tip a welcome distraction to the penis’ owner.

She knows that my “little distraction” will have to be solved before I fully appreciate my spanking. After a thorough warming, she will slow her pace and force. She acquiesces to allow genitals to fulfill their primary yet misguided function. Permission is not granted; I am merely permitted to shame and soil myself on her lap.

The brief moment of sexual pleasure ends quickly as the momentarily forgotten inferno is reignited. Sensing my ejaculation, she will redouble her efforts.

It will end only minutes later but those minutes will feel like hours. Tears, cries for mercy, promises, kicking, wiggling, clenching, and the sound of the hairbrush doing its good and righteous work. During it all, my proud penis retreats to safety even as my precious wasted spend is smeared into a sticky film across my genitals and stomach.

And then silence except for my weeping. I am allowed mere seconds over her lap before being encouraged off. She will see me in my broken state: soft genitals sticky with my shame, unsteady knees, and a face streaked with tears scrunched from my crying. Fearing more spanking, I begin the work of cleaning her lap.

But first, the walk. 

Tuesday, May 4, 2021

What This Blog Is and Is NOT -- READ THIS FIRST

The stories published on this blog are fantasy that attempt to capture what I WANT TO EXPERIENCE when I am spanked. For me, spankings are associated with a time in my past when I was in the grips of a raging libido, unquestioning respect for authority, and a complete sense of shame and embarrassment in my own body. It is the me without options, without control, filled with naughty thoughts that I can't share with anyone, and dangers around every corner. I want sex so much but any experience would be short, embarrassing, inappropriate, immediately judged as wrong by every authority figure in my life, almost certainly humiliating, and likely an unthinkably high pregnancy risk. In other words, me when I was about 12-years-old.

It was also me at an awakening in my sexual development when I realized that spanking was more important to me than traditional, normal sex. 

To be super clear, I never advocate, condone or approve of these behaviors. Children do not process experiences like the subject of my stories process the fictional experiences I relate. A real child would most likely be horribly psychologically damaged. Had these things happened to me, I would mostly certainly be a psychological disaster. No child wants this to happen to them. No child deserves this treatment.

The children in my stories do not exist in the real world. There are no creatures on the planet that have the innocence of the characters in my stories combined with the intellectual maturity necessary to endure what follows and not be damaged if not destroyed. I do not approve of treating children this way even if they appear to consent in some way. 

If you cannot understand the difference between fantasy, age play, role play, and how those things differ from reality, you need to stop reading my stories immediately.

While I am condemning atrocities, incest is almost always bad for everyone involved. We discover our sexuality when we live in our families of origin and usually there is an embarrassing experience or two when a young person's emerging sexuality becomes an awkward moment for everyone. If I have a kink in addition to spanking, it is embarrassment, humiliation, and shame. As such, I rely on the uncomfortable topic of incest or pseudo-incest as a way to emphasize the unspeakable horror of an ultimately uncomfortable situation. 

Your immediate family members are not possible sexual partners even if someone has confused thoughts, acts warmly to you, flirts with you, is naked around you, or whatever. 

In spite of my writings, I was never involved in any sexual contact with a family member, never sexually abused anyone, and was never sexually abused. Furthermore, I don't want that for myself or anyone else. I have incredible sorrow for those that are wounded by the actions of others especially when motivated by misguided sexual reasons and I am a vicious supporter of rooting out and eliminating those that abuse others.

My fiction exists in an alternate universe that does not exist where adults cross boundaries without consequence to the minor's in their care. In this world, there is no place for these monsters. Adults in the real world must always establish and guard against any sexual contact with children even when the child appears to instigate. In fact, especially if that appears to be the case.

All of that to say, I realize that there are people out there that have a sexual attraction to children and that these people are powerless to change to whom they are attracted to. These people do not act out their desires because they realize that children are not objects to be used for their sexual gratification and even if they do see children as people, they understand the lifelong damage that such a relationship would have.

I hope and pray that if you are one of these tortured souls that you have the strength to shoulder this burden, find peace with yourself, and are not punished for "thought crimes". If by reading my materials or others like them you find yourself taken to a world where you are not a pariah and where you could act without the negative consequences, I offer them to you not as license to act but as a holiday away from the frustration your life must endure. Fight the good fight, be strong, and know that the saints are not those without temptations but those with unfathomable temptation who for the good of others live a life of purity. May you find peace in this life and the next.